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Argus Hamilton

Stories by Argus

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The PGA Championship was held over the weekend at Harding Park in San Francisco where the Tour staged its first major championship of the season, with no fans allowed on the course.

By Argus Hamilton August 11, 2020
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L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti threatened Wednesday to shut off water and power to homes that host parties. Not to be outdone, New York Mayor DeBlasio set up checkpoints to enter Manhattan. You know the world sucks when the best news in the last six months is that at least the explosion wasn’t nuclear.

By Argus Hamilton August 9, 2020
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God Bless America, and how's everybody? The Wall Street Journal reported the Gallup poll which says 84% of Americans blame the media for the nation’s bitter divisions. But every year in August there is a proven and happy way to release all the tension. This is National Clown Week, so arm yourselves and shoot to kill.

By Argus Hamilton August 7, 2020
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President Trump ignited establishment alarm Thursday suggesting that Election Day could be delayed. I think the left must be legally blind. Saturday Night Live wasted five years using Alec Baldwin as its Trump impersonator, when Gary Busey was right in front of their eyes the entire time.

By Argus Hamilton August 2, 2020
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Ellen DeGeneres’s talk show career is in jeopardy as Warner Brothers is investigating charges on social media against her production company. Former employees posted she was abusive to her staff in a toxic work environment. If that’s true, her next logical career move would be Congress.

By Argus Hamilton July 31, 2020
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The Major League Baseball season got underway Thursday when the Washington Nationals hosted the New York Yankees in the season opener in Washington. Millions of television viewers tuned in to enjoy the pre-game ceremony. Dr. Fauci was on hand to throw out the First Amendment.

By Argus Hamilton July 26, 2020
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God Bless America, and how's everybody? The White House press conference Wednesday opened with some welcome and long-hoped-for news from the pharmaceutical industry. We knew it had to happen eventually. Baby Boomers at Pfizer Lab finally invented the vaccine for COVID-19, after giving up trying to figure out how to go on Zoom.

By Argus Hamilton July 24, 2020
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Dr. Fauci lashed back at a White House Task Force member Thursday who’d said Fauci was wrong about everything. New debates rage over school openings and sports resumptions amid shutdowns. I just cleaned my TV screen with anti-virus wipes and lost CNN, MSNBC and Fox News.

By Argus Hamilton July 19, 2020
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WalMart announced a new policy effective nationwide Wednesday requiring every customer entering the store to be wearing a face mask. Reaction was swift. A lot of Americans are quite insulted that WalMart, who doesn’t care if your butt is covered, is telling you that your face has to be.

By Argus Hamilton July 17, 2020
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The U.S. Supreme Court handed down a landmark decision on Thursday ruling that Eastern Oklahoma by signed treaty is still Indian Territory.

By Argus Hamilton July 13, 2020
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Arizona and Texas reported huge spikes in Covid infections Tuesday, setting off a panic south of the border.

By Argus Hamilton July 10, 2020
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John Wayne Airport in Orange County might be re-named due to a remark he made supporting white supremacy in a Playboy interview 50 years ago. It’s been John Wayne Airport for 40 years. ...

By Argus Hamilton July 5, 2020
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Liberty College will celebrate the Fourth of July by posting a detailed explanation and history of the Constitution and the reason behind each Article and each Amendment.

By Argus Hamilton July 3, 2020
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The Dixie Chicks dropped Dixie from their name so as not to offend anyone with the reference to the Confederacy. They’ll just be The Chicks, and only offend feminists. Also, to please the mob, AC/DC will be New Binary, Green Day will be The Green New Deal and The Police will be Defunded.

By Argus Hamilton June 28, 2020
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Warner Brothers in Hollywood announced last week its Looney Tunes Cartoon show on HBO Max will no longer show cartoon characters firing guns. The studio ruled that all guns are out. ...

By Argus Hamilton June 26, 2020
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The Hollywood Reporter warns that cable news hysteria could lead to viewer fatigue and lower ratings. All year long, the news has been nothing but Covid-19, shutdown, police brutality, rioting, and Black Lives Matter. Am I the only one who’s still fighting the scourge of plastic drinking straws?

By Argus Hamilton June 21, 2020
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President Trump holds a rally in Tulsa Saturday where a million people applied to attend but only 20,000 can get in. Expect a volcanic reaction against COVID shutdowns, riots, looting and monument desecration. America hasn’t lost all its marbles, but there’s definitely a hole in the bag.

By Argus Hamilton June 19, 2020
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President Trump took criticism from the media and Democrats Monday for scheduling a huge rally Saturday. The CDC concurred, saying the 20,000 attendees at the Trump rally in Tulsa are in danger from the spread of COVID-19. However, they said the 40,000 protesters will be completely safe.

By Argus Hamilton June 16, 2020
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The American Medical Journal says plastic surgeons are doing big business since re-opening due to pent-up demand.

By Argus Hamilton June 16, 2020
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The Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood is planning to re-open next weekend and resume our stand-up comedy shows. I’ve tried to stay cheerful during the shutdown. ...

By Argus Hamilton June 12, 2020
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God Bless America, and how's everybody?

By Argus Hamilton June 7, 2020
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The Weather Channel reported Santa Ana breezes blew off the Imperial Desert into Southern California, heralding a new normal in our local weather. I’m so lulled by home confinement it took me by surprise. I can’t believe it’s riot season already and I still have my Covid season decorations up.

By Argus Hamilton June 5, 2020
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Ring magazine reports that Mike Tyson is looking to make a comeback at age fifty and wants a rematch with old foe Evander Holyfield.

By Argus Hamilton May 31, 2020
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The San Diego Union says that drug seizures are way up at the U.S.-Mexican border with help from the Mexican Army.

By Argus Hamilton May 28, 2020
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Los Angeles police began citing joggers and walkers who refused to wear facial covering while jogging or walking in public.

By Argus Hamilton May 25, 2020
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USA Today reports parents are worried about a possible lack of summer activities deemed safe enough for children and teenagers to enjoy. The outbreak has canceled church youth camps back in my home state of Oklahoma.

By Argus Hamilton May 22, 2020
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Los Angeles voters stunned pundits in the special election Tuesday when GOP candidate Mike Garcia upset a Democrat in a U.S. House race. It says a lot. Who knew that all you had to do was close down the beaches for a couple of months and L.A. would start electing Republicans to Congress.

By Argus Hamilton May 17, 2020
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Dr. Fauci went into self-quarantine last week, however he went on Skype from home to threaten to recommend closing down the 2020 sports seasons. He’s now threatening the sacred religion of college football. I say we open the country now before Oklahoma has to play Texas this fall on Zoom.

By Argus Hamilton May 15, 2020
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The National Restaurant Association vowed to help members create promotions to lure people back into eating out again. Hooters announced Friday it would give out free wings to moms on Mother’s Day.

By Argus Hamilton May 13, 2020
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President Trump will be targeted by a new House committee claiming he betrayed America by late actions on Covid-19. No one feels more betrayed lately than Generation X...

By Argus Hamilton May 8, 2020
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President Trump was optimistic Thursday, reporting progress in the war on COVID-19. We’re attacking the virus from three angles. Pfizer is working on a treatment, Oxford is working on a vaccine, and Trump just called Hillary to tell her he’s heard the virus is going to testify against her.

By Argus Hamilton May 3, 2020
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Willie Nelson went on social media last week to thank all his fans for their best wishes when he celebrated his 87th birthday.

By Argus Hamilton May 1, 2020
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NBC News reported the mayor of Las Vegas is getting backing from the Wynn Hotel after she revealed plans to re-open the city in mid- May. The city is confident it can handle any threat from the virus. The difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas is, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

By Argus Hamilton April 26, 2020
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President Trump’s convicted former lawyer Michael Cohen was one of thousands of prisoners freed due to the COVID-19 scare. The virus resulted in a feeling of forgiveness across the land. Any day, I expect to see a public health commercial in which O.J. Simpson assures us that gloves work.

By Argus Hamilton April 24, 2020
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The Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood remained closed for the thirtieth day Sunday, however the club has me performing an online topical comedy monologue each night on You Tube.

By Argus Hamilton April 19, 2020
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The White House reported mobile testing is available to determine immunity from the coronavirus with testing facilities now set up in all 50 states. Baby Boomers flocked to the test ...

By Argus Hamilton April 17, 2020
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A Chicago federal judge denied R. Kelly’s request for release from jail over his fear of COVID-19 Tuesday. It’s to protect all the witnesses to his behavior.

By Argus Hamilton April 10, 2020
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The New York Post says a Bengal Tiger in the Bronx Zoo in New York developed a dry cough over the weekend which prompted zoo veterinarians and epidemiologists to give the tiger a medical exam. The big cat tested positive for corona virus. Great, now I have to keep six feet away from tigers.

By Argus Hamilton April 7, 2020
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President Trump spoke solemnly to the American people at a press conference Tuesday and he laid out the sacrifices it will take to defeat the virus

By Argus Hamilton April 1, 2020
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Major League Baseball postponed the season scheduled to start this week due to Corona Virus that crossed the ocean to the U.S. from China this year.

By Argus Hamilton March 31, 2020
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President Trump continued calling the pandemic the virus rather than the Chinese virus this week. Trump said even though it started in Wuhan, he doesn’t want Chinese-Americans to feel stigmatized. Every country in the world has the Corona Virus now, but China got it right off the bat.

By Argus Hamilton March 27, 2020
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Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin expressed confidence a relief bill for business and workers is doable Tuesday.

By Argus Hamilton March 24, 2020
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New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft told reporters he wishes departing quarterback Tom Brady the best.

By Argus Hamilton March 20, 2020
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Ralph’s supermarket in Santa Monica reportedly made a $1 million in one day Thursday when customers panicked over the COVID-19 scare.

By Argus Hamilton March 17, 2020
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God Bless America, and how’s everybody? The National Institute of Health Director Dr. Anthony Fauci addressed Congress Thursday and warned that Corona Virus will spread before it begins to wane.

By Argus Hamilton March 13, 2020
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The Comedy Store tonight will mark my forty-fourth year of performing at the world capital of comedy.

By Argus Hamilton March 6, 2020
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Wall Street staged a historic rally Monday after China reported Coronavirus is receding after scaring the whole world.

By Argus Hamilton March 3, 2020
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The Rolling Stones website announced that the group’s 2020 North American tour will begin in San Diego’s baseball stadium in May. They should be guarded by the CDC. If the Corona Virus gets into the dressing room and infects Keith Richards, the virus could mutate and live forever.

By Argus Hamilton February 28, 2020
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Harvey Weinstein was convicted on one rape charge in New York Monday and taken off to jail to await sentencing.

By Argus Hamilton February 25, 2020
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Michael Bloomberg dove into a piranha tank in Las Vegas Wednesday when Mike joined the Democratic debate against five battle-hardened candidates.

By Argus Hamilton February 21, 2020

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