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11:14 AM Mon, Nov. 19th

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Argus Hamilton

Stories by Argus

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Hamilton: Trump doll offers Barbie hush money

Fox News did a story on a new hot-selling stuffed doll called Trumpy Bear for children which wears a MAGA cap comes with a U.S. flag. The cute little thing even talks.

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Argus: What would I do with millions?

The Powerball Lottery paid off a huge jackpot winner in Iowa Monday. As the jackpot grows, we all fantasize about what we’d do if we won it.

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Hamilton: Have a traditional Thanksgiving, kill friends and take their land

The Department of Transportation warned Tuesday this year’s Thanksgiving Weekend travel volume will be the heaviest in U.S. history.

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Hamilton: Caravan heading to Canada if Dems don’t win

BEVERLY HILLS--God Bless America, and how’s everybody? President Trump announced Thursday he’s sending fifteen thousand troops to the border to halt the Guatemalan caravan that’s trudging north through Mexico now.

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Hamilton: Scariest costume, smart phone with low battery

West Hollywood hosted the nation’s largest and most festive Halloween Parade on Wednesday with one million revelers strolling on Santa Monica Boulevard.

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Hamilton: Americans enjoy safe underarms

A Brut Cosmetics poll shows Americans take more showers and use more deodorant than any country in the world.

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Hamilton: CNN receives suspicious package that may contain real news

The New York Police announced they will work with the FBI to track down who sent a 10th package made to look like a bomb to Democrats on Thursday.

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Hamilton: Argus wins jackpot, acts worse than Trump

The Washington Post ripped President Trump for calling Stormy Daniels a Horse Face, saying his obnoxious statements and brusque behavior set a bad example.

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Hamilton: Putin and Saudi king order shot, Connery dies

USA Today reported that Americans spent two hundred thirty-four billion dollars last year on alcoholic beverages. Booze gets the party going.

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Argus Hamilton: Trump, only person to get a hooker to pay him

Stormy Daniels’s defamation of character lawsuit against President Trump was dismissed by the federal judge in Manhattan Monday.

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Hamilton: Happy to not get text from Anthony Weiner

Homeland Security announced everyone with a cell phone would receive a text from President Trump Wednesday as a national test of the new Emergency Broadcast System

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Argus Hamilton: Kavanaugh hearing goes beyond circus

Brett Kavanaugh’s Senate testimony included letters from female classmate friends on Thursday saying he never engaged in any drunken misbehavior.

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Hamilton: Back to golfing after years, I smashed pro shop

Tiger Woods roared to his first victory in five years Sunday at the Tour Championship. A good swing never leaves you.

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Hamilton: Comedians now go through background check?

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody? Brett Kavanaugh must tell the Senate about his sex behavior at a high school party he didn’t attend Monday. It’s crazy.

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Hamilton: Bible translation adds modern spin

Christianity Today published an article about the latest Bible translations and compared their scriptures to standard texts. They take a few liberties.

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Argus Hamilton: Hurricane Florence and Sharknado?

Hurricane Florence TV coverage went way over the top Thursday as CNN aired an onscreen headline warning you that the Hurricane Contains Sharks. ...

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Hamilton: Kavanaugh makes Americans want to return to British rule

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? Judge Brett Kavanaugh in his opening statement to his Senate confirmation hearing Tuesday said he is optimistic.

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Hamilton: McCain funeral a boon for TV networks

The Hollywood Reporter listed last-minute changes in the fall network TV lineups, bumping the premieres of some new TV shows to January. Some of the new additions have hit written all over them. NBC just picked up the McCain funeral for 22 episodes for the 2018-19 season.

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Hamilton: Heaven decorated like Mar-a-Lago

Arizona Sen. John McCain died Saturday following a yearlong struggle with brain cancer, which finally took down the tempestuous Republican and war hero. He had a visceral dislike for President Trump. Imagine McCain’s fury when he gets to heaven and it’s decorated like Mar-a-Lago.

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Hamilton: Taliban volunteers to send peacemakers to Chicago

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? NBC News reports President Trump is considering a proposal by Blackwater Security founder Erik Prince to privatize the Afghanistan war using U.S. mercenaries who report to the president.

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Hamilton: Prince Charles flips after Aretha dies

Motown’s Aretha Franklin died after a long illness Thursday at home in Detroit.

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Hamilton: ‘Didn’t even know the Monkees worked for the FBI’

The FBI fired agent Peter Stzrok in the wake of the investigation into his partisan behavior in 2016 while he was investigating both Hillary and Trump.

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Hamilton: Archie Bunker in the White House?

All in the Family’s Norman Lear agreed to create new sitcoms for CBS saying as a committed liberal he feels a lot like Dr. Frankenstein right now. That’s because people always wondered what would happen if you gave Archie Bunker a billion dollars and now we know. He’s in the White House.

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Hamilton: Stormy Daniels planning to embark on working tour

President Trump is taking a few weeks off on a golf vacation at his Trump National Golf Club which he owns in Bedminster, New Jersey. A few years ago, Trump revealed future plans to build a cemetery for himself alongside the 18th fairway there. That’s one sure way to finish six-under.

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Hamilton: Trump says anyone could have hacked cue cards

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? The Comedy Store Tonight starring Argus Hamilton debuted on You Tube on Tuesday night before a terrific studio audience.

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Argus Hamilton: Seeking forgiveness for using plastic straw

The Episcopal Church and its daughter Methodist Church moved closer to a full communion with a joint committee’s proposal to the each church’s next convention.

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Hamilton: Trump eats McDonald’s salad, E. coli dies

President Trump was criticized by nutritionists last weekend for setting a bad example with his love of Big Macs and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

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Argus Hamilton: Putin shoots shark in aquarium

Shark Week begins tonight on the Discovery Channel with amazing video of shark life.

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Hamilton: Trump invites rescued boys to White House, they return to cave

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? President Trump met one-on-one with Russia’s Vladimir Putin in Helsinki Monday.

Hamilton: So hot in LA that residents open doors just to feel ICE raids

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? The Weather Channel reported record high temperatures in Los Angeles Friday as Santa Ana winds baked the city and all Southern California.

Hamilton: Radioactive material thief may have taken car radio

Mexico City’s leading newspapers reported Monday that radioactive material was stolen out of a government car in Mexico City by a thief, who hasn’t been caught or identified.

Hamilton: Country split on Trump’s mental instability

President Trump thoroughly enjoyed himself onstage in a GOP rally at an arena in Montana Thursday.

Hamilton: Happy Independence Day, everybody, and God bless America

The National Retail Federation reports Americans will spend $7 billion dollars on cookouts and other celebrations of the signing of the Declaration of Independence today.

Argus Hamilton: $100K to dine with Barack Obama?

Beverly Hills hosted a Democratic Party fundraiser Thursday where Hollywood hot shots paid a hundred grand to dine with Barack Obama.

There’s only one way to get to Los Angeles

The Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce published a magazine ad for summer tourism which tells you there are twelve different ways that you can get to Los Angeles.

Hamilton: Maybe Trump should wall the buffet table

The Centers for Disease Control said Southern states once again led the nation in obesity last year. Kentucky is at the top, but then their state bird is the fried chicken.

Hamilton: Everyone karaokes, thanks to Buffalo Wild Wings

God bless America, and how’s everybody? Buffalo Wild Wings began home delivery of beer and wine, causing bar industry experts to fear that people will start preferring home drinking.

Argus Hamilton: Millennials, buy your father some booze

God bless America, and how’s everybody? The National Retailers Association forecasted that Americans will spend fifteen billion dollars on Father’s Day gifts. It can’t be undervalued.

Hamilton: Trump’s title should be Orange Julius Caesar

God bless America, and how’s everybody? President Trump was mocked by this week’s Time magazine cover that depicted the president sitting in front of a mirror and seeing a jeweled crown on his head as if he’s the King of the United States of America.

Hamilton: First Lady is MIA

HOLLYWOOD—God bless America, and how’s everybody? Bill Clinton told the Today Show Monday he paid dearly for the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal 20 years ago.

Hamilton: Use body-wash liberally, scream about Russian collusion

God bless America, and how’s everybody? The Huffington Post reported a water conservation survey saying that a shower uses up twenty gallons of water and a bath uses fifty gallon.

Hamilton: Cancel hookers, Kim Jung Un is not coming

President Trump called off his summit with Kim Jung Un at a Singapore hotel due to renewed war threats by North Korea’s vice chairman.

Hamilton: Luggage ends up where it should

God bless America, and how’s everybody? NBC reports a baboon escaped from its crate on an airliner at San Antonio Airport, then it ran loose in the baggage claim area Monday. It took hours.

Hamilton: Markle only Hollywood star to leave US after Trump got election

God bless America, and how’s everybody? Windsor Castle is the site of the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle Saturday. She is really brainy.

Hamilton: Prince Harry’s father won’t be attending wedding

Buckingham Palace scheduled the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle for mid-afternoon this Saturday at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle.

Hamilton: Freed prisoners return to prison after seeing Trump is president

Happy Mother’s Day, everybody, and God bless America. President Trump was on hand at Dulles Airport Thursday to greet the three Americans freed by North Korea after being in solitary confinement three years.

Hamilton: Pay Guiliani hush money

God bless America, and how’s everybody? The Kentucky Derby was won by Justify on a rainy day at Churchill Downs Saturday.

Hamilton: Tornado survivor prefers to eat at Popeye’s

The National Weather Service reported a tornado in Oklahoma Wednesday that sent residents hurrying to cellars and large building basements.

Hamilton: Arriving Central Americans must get over border wall

God bless America, and how’s everybody? San Diego led the revolt against California’s sanctuary state status, which prevents police from handing illegal criminals to ICE agents.

Hamilton: Thanks to the Episcopal church, you don’t need to prove yourself

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? Barbara Bush was eulogized in a beautiful Episcopal service in Houston Saturday.