The New York Times anointed 16-year-old Swedish eco-warrior Greta Thunberg the hero this planet needs as she sailed to a climate change conference in Spain today.

WalMart opened its doors at six o’clock on Thanksgiving Day, kicking off Black Friday retail sales.

The National Retail Federation reported that Americans this year will spend over $1 trillion dollars on Christmas.

The Sporting News released its rankings of the one hundred and fifty greatest college football players of all time Thursday.

San Francisco’s new District Attorney declared he will allow the residents of San Francisco to pee anywhere they like any time they like without any fear of being prosecuted.

Thanksgiving Week is predicted to be the busiest travel week in history both on the road and in the air by the Transportation Department Wednesday.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? The National Retail Federation predicted Americans will spend $465 billion dollars on Christmas gifts this year. It starts with the Black Friday melee. WalMart announced it will be closed on Thanksgiving Day until six o’clock, so that both cashiers can be with their families.

The Nutcracker Suite will play in Hollywood at the Dolby Theater starting early in December this year.

God bless America, and how’s everybody? The Beverly Hills Courthouse put up its Nativity Scene on the lawn Monday, which is annually a major tourist attraction despite hostility to the display by locals. The other night a smart aleck asked me what Jesus’ full name was. So I dropped a bowling ball on his foot and he got all three right.

Carrie Fisher: A Life on the Edge is a new biography of the greatly-beloved “Star Wars” legend who died two years ago after a wild Hollywood life.

California firefighters battled wildfires in Wine Country and below the Getty Center museum Sunday as rolling power blackouts were ordered statewide to reduce the fire danger.

The NBC station in Dallas apologized for endangering public safety when they refused to cut into the Dallas Cowboys’ game Sunday to warn of arriving tornadoes.

The Sooner Schooner pioneer wagon crashed after an Oklahoma touchdown Saturday.

New York former mayor and Bloomberg News founder Michael Bloomberg revealed Tuesday he may join the Democratic race for president.

North Carolina police arrested three workers at a senior living home for staging a Fight Club for dementia patients Monday.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones stood by his coach who got the team penalized Sunday for swearing at an NFL referee over a bad call. It’s worse in the NBA.

God bless America, and how’s everybody?  USA Today reports a Georgia high school suspended a teacher Friday for telling her students that boys who display the Confederate flag will someday grow up to marry their sisters. I applaud the suspension. I think it’s about time the US education system took a stand against revealing spoilers.

President Trump went nuts over the Biden family’s Ukraine deal Tuesday while Hunter’s ex-wife said he’s a coke addict.

God bless America, and how’s everybody? Publisher’s Weekly reports Demi Moore’s tell-all autobiography is a huge best-seller in which the star recounts her movie career, her love life, and her married life. It’s sad how Demi Moore’s book revealed that Ashton Kutcher cheated on her. I thought she would’ve raised him better than that.

The Hollywood Reporter reports the studios will roll out lots of Halloween movies next month and Hulu will be steaming horror movies as well.

Rush Limbaugh on the radio Thursday defended smoking e-cigarettes, pointing out it is simply vaporized nicotine.

Kentucky Fried Chicken introduced its new KFC Chicken and Donuts Dinner Wednesday.

Psychology Today published a study which monitored the amount of alcohol that James Bond drinks and how often he drinks during the six decades of Bond movies.

President Trump expressed confidence Thursday in Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s ability to get England out of the European Union and into a free trade deal with the United States.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? The Hollywood Reporter published an article on Friday on plans by celebrities to influence the 2020 presidential election on TV, in the movies, at awards shows and on social media.

Hurricane Dorian washed ashore 16 bricks of cocaine worth over $400,000 sealed inside delivery packets onto the beach in Florida on Tuesday.

The Weather Channel tracked Hurricane Dorian Thursday as it missed Puerto Rico heading up to the Eastern Seaboard.

BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?      President Trump took Air Force One to France on Friday to meet with the Group of Seven industrial leaders in the resort of Biarritz. Trump has three agenda items on his plate. He wants to talk them into fair trade deals, remind them of their NATO dues and make an offer on Normandy.

The Labor Department says U.S. workers did not take hundreds of millions of August vacation days owed to them in order to stay on the job.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? The New England Patriots open the defense of their Super Bowl title with the season-opening game against the Pittsburgh Steelers September 8th. Under owner Robert Kraft, the Patriots have won six Super Bowl rings. Last week, Joe Biden phoned Kraft and congratulated him on his sex ring.

President Trump campaigned in Pennsylvania on Monday while Bernie, Liz and Biden tore it up in Iowa.

HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how›s everybody?  The Wall Street Journal reports that bankruptcies are on the rise across America this summer with many upscale lifestyles in jeopardy. One trait the Americans inherited from the British is the determination to keep up appearances.

Victoria’s Secret hired its first transgender catalogue model Friday, the same day Netflix added a transgender character to Rocko’s Modern Life.

The Baltimore Sun reported Saturday that four Baltimore Orioles fans were kicked out of the team’s Camden Yards stadium on Friday night for unfurling a pro-Trump banner in the bleachers.

Detroit hosted round two of the Democratic presidential candidates’ debates this week with TV pundits split over who won.

God bless America, and how’s everybody? Jerry Seinfeld, now appearing on “Comedians in Cars Having Coffee”, ripped longtime nemesis Bobcat Goldthwait on the air, as neither one thinks the other’s material is even bearable. America has a unique way of letting the world know which jokes we will tolerate and which jokes we won’t. We let the voters decide.

Robert Mueller drew disappointed reviews from Democrats for his testimony before Congress on Wednesday.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? The New York Times ignited a controversy Monday by saying the NASA Mercury, Gemini and Apollo missions to put a man on the moon in the late 1960s was a racist endeavor. That’s an easy point for leftists to argue. By the time Michael Jackson performed the Moonwalk, even HE was white.

“Framing John DeLorean” is a film about the creator of the Delorean car made famous in “Back to the Future.”

The Weather Channel reports the return of the Santa Ana breezes to Southern California this week baking Los Angeles in triple-digit temperatures.

The U.S. Women’s soccer team was showered by a confetti parade on the Canyon of Heroes in New York on Wednesday after winning the World Cup.

Los Angeles withstood 2,000 aftershocks over the weekend from the two earthquakes that hit last weekend.

President Trump hosted a spectacular fireworks show at the Lincoln Memorial underlined by an Army tank parade and flyovers.

Politico reports the Democratic presidential candidates are fanning across Iowa to campaign at July Fourth events tomorrow.

The History Channel aired a special about the stories behind all the White House furnishings Friday.

The Weather Channel reports high pressure maintaining its grip on the country today, sending temperature readings into the triple digits from Southern California all the way to the Carolinas. You can tell summer has finally arrived. WalMart and Target just put out their Christmas decorations.

Donald of Orange kicked off his 2020 campaign in Orlando, prompting Creepy Joe, Bolshevik Bernie, Elizabeth Wahoo Warren and Mayor Pete to vow to defeat him.

The National Retail Federation reported Americans spent a record $18 billion on Father’s Day gifts, including clothing, gifts and cards.

The Weather Channel reported the annual Santa Ana Winds arrived in Southern California this week, turning the L.A. Basin and the San Fernando Valley into dry-heat ovens.

The Weather Channel reported the Santa Ana winds arrived in Southern California on Monday, baking Los Angeles in 100-degree heat.

President Trump returned from England to face an overlooked domestic crisis.

God bless America, and how’s everybody? Buckingham Palace was the setting for Queen Elizabeth’s state dinner for President Trump and first lady Melania on Monday.

American Heritage historians published an article saying that the citizens of the United States are more divided politically today than at any time since the Civil War. Partisan rage is palpable. The latest poll shows that 50 percent of Americans think the other 50 percent have lost their minds.

The Weather Channel reported torrential rainstorms pounding the Southwest after last week’s string of tornadoes. Thousands of square miles are now under water.

Woodstock’s 50th anniversary concert was likely canceled as backers fled the baby boomer vanity project. We’ve changed in 50 years.

NBA officials expressed concern over lower TV ratings in the NBA playoffs this year.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft won a ruling from his Florida judge that blocked airing a video of him receiving oral sex from an Asian prostitute, leading to a likely dismissal of all charges.

Alyssa Milano protested a Georgia abortion law on Friday by demanding that every woman in the U.S. go on a sex strike against men until women retrieve what Milano calls their reproductive rights.

Prince Harry and Meghan named their baby boy Archie Harrison Mountbatten Windsor.

St. Luke’s Methodist Church in OKC will host a fundraiser where I’ll perform Thursday for the First Step rehab.

The Kentucky Derby is run on Saturday at Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky.

Game of Thrones riveted many of the nation’s TV viewers Sunday airing on HBO as well as streaming on Amazon.

Hillary Clinton announced that she read the Mueller Report and that crimes were committed in 2016. It seems a little early for her to turn state’s evidence. No one will say Hillary declaring Trump belongs in prison is like the pot calling the kettle black, for fear of being linked to Kate Smith.

Ukrainians elected comedian Volodymyr Zelensky president by a huge majority Sunday. Do not EVER doubt America’s ability to positively influence the world. ...

Queen Elizabeth and the Royal Family attended Good Friday services at the St. George Chapel in Windsor Castle. I may be the easiest-grace Anglican you ever knew. I believe whole heartedly that Jesus died to save me from my sins and I would hate to give him nothing to do up there.

President Trump sent out tweets during the Masters on Sunday as he rooted for his buddy Tiger Woods to win. Afterwards Tiger got a nice tweet from Trump. He never let his marriage-wrecking mistresses interfere with his golf game or his rise to the top, and neither did Woods.

Lori Loughlin got a harsh lecture from the judge for bribing her daughter’s way into USC.

The American Heart Association will hold Heart Walks in cities this summer to promote heart health.

The History Channel will air a four-part series on the life of Jesus. I’m glad he lived when he did. If Jesus offered to feed the 5,000 with six loaves of bread and 12 fishes today, the crowd would demand to know if the bread was gluten-free and if the fish had been tested for mercury.

The New York Post said the FBI labeled its college admissions scandal bust Operation Varsity Blues.

House Democrats revealed plans to introduce gun control legislation in this session of Congress on Friday, believing that the time is politically right.

North Korea’s Kim Jung Un sat across a table from President Trump before their meeting as reporters looked on. The U.S. media stayed in character.

The Academy Awards were held on Sunday at the Nokia Theater in Hollywood on Hollywood Boulevard.

Focus on the Family called on Americans to commit to a renewal of family time together away from social media to help ease family tensions caused by isolation.

The Los Angeles Times weighed in on Sunday’s Oscars, declaring that “Black Panther” deserves to win the Oscar for best motion picture.

George Washington will be honored on Presidents Day in speeches and in festivities at Mount Vernon.

Virginia’s governorship looks up for grabs after a cascade of scandals by the state leaders last week.

L.A. Rams Coach Sean McVay was praised for admitting to reporters he got out-coached in the Super Bowl.

The New England Patriots won their eighth Super Bowl Sunday, holding the L.A. Rams to three points.

The Chicago Daily News said the Polar Vortex completely froze the Chicago River and turned Lake Michigan into a glacier last week.

President Trump plans to give a president’s annual message to the nation anyway after Nancy Pelosi disinvited him from the House Chamber.

President Trump canceled Nancy Pelosi’s scheduled flight to Afghanistan aboard a U.S. military jet Thursday, citing the need to reduce government services due to the shutdown. It hit her hard.

President Trump invited House and Senate Democrats to the White House to discuss a deal to end the shutdown Wednesday but nobody showed up.

President Trump told a convention of farmers Monday he’ll see that vetted farm workers and household help can cross the U.S. border back and forth easily.

President Trump stormed out of a brief White House meeting with Democrats Wednesday that failed to settle the government shutdown.

The Comedy Store hosted a synagogue for our Very Jewish Christmas show Tuesday. Beverly Hills is where Jewish people live in Spanish houses, drive German cars and eat Chinese.

Welcome to the latest part of our week in review of the past year, 2018 in jokes.

Thousands of young men in California say they used to be a Christian, but they say they’re much happier now as Christine.

The Comedy Store in La Jolla is hosting my annual New Year’s show Monday.

The Central American caravan of migrants stood at the border Thursday and made a proffer to the U.S. authorities at the border and in the White House.

Men’s Health published a study aimed at Baby Boomer men that said if we exercise daily, eat healthy, and don’t smoke or drink alcohol it will add ten years to our lives.

The Department of Transportation said a record number of people will travel to be with family and friends over the holidays.

The Central American caravan of migrants stood at the border Thursday and made a proffer to the U.S. authorities at the border and in the White House.

The Las Vegas Walk of Stars honored the late comedian Don Rickles. His death last year drew a nice eulogy from President Trump.

PETA said using phrases like killing two birds with one stone is akin to using racist, sexist, homophobic language. It gets worse.

George HW Bush was flown to Washington for his funeral today at the National Cathedral.

President Trump’s old lawyer Michael Cohen pled guilty to Congress Thursday.

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? The Department of Transportation said 60 million people traveled on Thanksgiving, which is a record.

The Department of Transportation said sixty million people traveled on Thanksgiving, which is a record. Staying in L.A. just wasn’t as fun for me this year.

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? Stormy Daniels’ attorney Michael Avenatti was back in front of the TV cameras on Thursday after his arrest in Los Angeles.

Fox News did a story on a new hot-selling stuffed doll called Trumpy Bear for children which wears a MAGA cap comes with a U.S. flag. The cute little thing even talks.

The Powerball Lottery paid off a huge jackpot winner in Iowa Monday. As the jackpot grows, we all fantasize about what we’d do if we won it.

The Department of Transportation warned Tuesday this year’s Thanksgiving Weekend travel volume will be the heaviest in U.S. history.

BEVERLY HILLS--God Bless America, and how’s everybody? President Trump announced Thursday he’s sending fifteen thousand troops to the border to halt the Guatemalan caravan that’s trudging north through Mexico now.

West Hollywood hosted the nation’s largest and most festive Halloween Parade on Wednesday with one million revelers strolling on Santa Monica Boulevard.

A Brut Cosmetics poll shows Americans take more showers and use more deodorant than any country in the world.

The New York Police announced they will work with the FBI to track down who sent a 10th package made to look like a bomb to Democrats on Thursday.

The Washington Post ripped President Trump for calling Stormy Daniels a Horse Face, saying his obnoxious statements and brusque behavior set a bad example.

USA Today reported that Americans spent two hundred thirty-four billion dollars last year on alcoholic beverages. Booze gets the party going.

Stormy Daniels’s defamation of character lawsuit against President Trump was dismissed by the federal judge in Manhattan Monday.

Homeland Security announced everyone with a cell phone would receive a text from President Trump Wednesday as a national test of the new Emergency Broadcast System

Brett Kavanaugh’s Senate testimony included letters from female classmate friends on Thursday saying he never engaged in any drunken misbehavior.

Tiger Woods roared to his first victory in five years Sunday at the Tour Championship. A good swing never leaves you.

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody? Brett Kavanaugh must tell the Senate about his sex behavior at a high school party he didn’t attend Monday. It’s crazy.

Christianity Today published an article about the latest Bible translations and compared their scriptures to standard texts. They take a few liberties.

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? Judge Brett Kavanaugh in his opening statement to his Senate confirmation hearing Tuesday said he is optimistic.

The Hollywood Reporter listed last-minute changes in the fall network TV lineups, bumping the premieres of some new TV shows to January. Some of the new additions have hit written all over them. NBC just picked up the McCain funeral for 22 episodes for the 2018-19 season.

Arizona Sen. John McCain died Saturday following a yearlong struggle with brain cancer, which finally took down the tempestuous Republican and war hero. He had a visceral dislike for President Trump. Imagine McCain’s fury when he gets to heaven and it’s decorated like Mar-a-Lago.

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? NBC News reports President Trump is considering a proposal by Blackwater Security founder Erik Prince to privatize the Afghanistan war using U.S. mercenaries who report to the president.

Motown’s Aretha Franklin died after a long illness Thursday at home in Detroit.

The FBI fired agent Peter Stzrok in the wake of the investigation into his partisan behavior in 2016 while he was investigating both Hillary and Trump.

All in the Family’s Norman Lear agreed to create new sitcoms for CBS saying as a committed liberal he feels a lot like Dr. Frankenstein right now. That’s because people always wondered what would happen if you gave Archie Bunker a billion dollars and now we know. He’s in the White House.

President Trump is taking a few weeks off on a golf vacation at his Trump National Golf Club which he owns in Bedminster, New Jersey. A few years ago, Trump revealed future plans to build a cemetery for himself alongside the 18th fairway there. That’s one sure way to finish six-under.

God Bless America, and how’s everybody? The Comedy Store Tonight starring Argus Hamilton debuted on You Tube on Tuesday night before a terrific studio audience.

The Episcopal Church and its daughter Methodist Church moved closer to a full communion with a joint committee’s proposal to the each church’s next convention.

President Trump was criticized by nutritionists last weekend for setting a bad example with his love of Big Macs and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Shark Week begins tonight on the Discovery Channel with amazing video of shark life.

Joe Biden encouraged Ukrainians to vote in their upcoming parliamentary elections this coming month. He offered U.S. millions to help Ukraine as long as Ukrainian leaders tackle corruption. Let's face it, if anything will stop corruption, it's bribing someone to stop corruption.