Haddad: What my grandfather taught me about ‘Borrowing the Jack’

When I was a young boy my grandfather Ralph told me a story — a story he had told my mother when she was young, which my mother also repeated to me on several occasions.

He called it “Borrowing the Jack.” At the time, I didn't fully understand its meaning. Since then, I have learned it has been shared by grandparents and parents of his generation in many variations, but the message is the same.

The story goes like this:

One day many years ago a man was speeding down a country road late at night when all of a sudden his tire blew out with an explosive bang! He got out of his car and found the spare tire, but he had no jack.

He said to himself, “Well, I'll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack.”

He saw a light on at a home in the distance and said, “I’m in luck; the farmer is still awake. I’ll just knock on the door and explain to him that I’m in trouble, and ask if he’d please lend me a jack. And he’ll say, why sure, neighbor, help yourself, but please bring it back when you are done.”

The man walked on a little farther and the lights in the farmhouse went out so he said to himself, “Now he’s gone to bed, and he’ll be annoyed because I’m bothering him at such a late hour, so he’ll probably want some money for his jack. And I’ll say, “All right, it isn’t very neighborly but I’ll give you 25 cents.” (An amount the man considered a reasonable offer in those days.) And he’ll say, “Do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me only 25 cents? Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.”

By the time he got to the farmhouse the stranded driver had worked himself into a lather. He turned into the gate and muttered, “A whole dollar just to borrow a jack. All right, I’ll give you a dollar, but not a penny more. A man has an unfortunate accident late at night in the middle of nowhere and all he needs is a jack. You probably won’t let me borrow it no matter what I give you. That’s the kind of person you are.”

These thoughts brewed in his head as he climbed the wooden steps to the front door. He knocked angrily and loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and called down, “Who’s there? What do you want?” The man stopped pounding on the door and yelled up, “You and your stupid jack! You can keep it and get stuffed.”

The man walked away angry and with his problem unresolved.

My mother explained that the first time she heard this story from her father was when she was trying out for band at school and had expressed the many reasons why she felt she would not make it. She made it despite her imagined failure.

As I grew up, my mother, in turn, would sometimes say to me, “Don't borrow the jack.”

This phrase would be pronounced when I too started worrying about something negative that could happen in an endeavor I was about to pursue, or when I started to assume what someone else would think about me.

It’s human nature to imagine what others are thinking, or to prepare ourselves for challenges we may face, but it’s unhealthy to obsess or live such a cynical life that we don’t give ourselves — or others — a chance to make good things happen.

At the end of this sometimes-vitriolic election cycle I have heard people prophesy the most negative things imaginable. After 30 years in journalism I have heard countless similar extreme prophecies being proclaimed by people from both sides of the aisle after a change in leadership, be it within our nation, state or city. In the end, the extremes never played out. It’s been my experience that when we assume the best about each other the tires get replaced and we can all keep rolling forward.

I encourage the political prophets of doom to put aside their extreme negative thinking and resist the inclination to borrow the jack. I believe there are always good things waiting to happen, challenges that can be overcome and successes to be had when we plan and chart a course together.