Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Fri, Jan. 24

Hamilton: Diversity problem arises at Dem debate

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

Drake University hosted the debate between the dwindling numbers of Democratic candidates Tuesday in Iowa. A diversity problem has arisen. Cory Booker dropped out of the field the day before, leaving Elizabeth Warren to claim she’s the only African-American candidate left in the race.

Iran’s government conceded Monday that its rockets accidentally shot down the Ukrainian airliner last week and blamed the shoot-down on human error. That may well be true. Any time Iranian missiles are able to hit anything or shoot down anything, it is assumed to be not on purpose.

The White House trumpeted good news in manufacturing, housing starts, home sales, retail sales, online business and record low unemployment on Monday. We’re pretty much firing on all cylinders now. The Trump economy is doing so well it’s got Royals coming off the welfare rolls.

Queen Elizabeth agreed to allow Harry and Meghan to make their home in Vancouver, from which they’ll shuttle back and forth to London for family and Hollywood for business. There’s one good thing about living in Canada instead of Hollywood. You’re surrounded by fewer snowflakes.

Prince Harry and Meghan are seeking financial independence from the stipends they receive from Prince Charles’ Duchy of Cornwall estate. However many Royal watchers are concerned that the couple isn’t prepared for the real world. I’m afraid they could end up on the streets castle-less.

Duchess Meghan stated she wants to live in Canada until Trump is no longer president since she deems him to be racist. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s habit of appearing in blackface isn’t nearly as racially offensive as Trump’s orange spray tan. Apparently Orange really Is the New Black.

Queen Elizabeth reminded her family Sunday they also represent the Church of England. It’s a thought that inspires me. My line of Hamiltons has been Anglican, either Episcopal or Methodist, for over four centuries and I’d just like to say thank God that Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t selling ice cream.

Gwyneth Paltrow was the talk of social media last week when she introduced for sale a scented candle which she advertised as having the same fragrance as her vagina. You can’t make it up. So next day, I bought one and ever since I can’t parallel park and seagulls are banging at my window.

Business Insider praised Gwyneth Paltrow for breaking the Internet with her vagina-scented candle. Last night I went to a girlfriend’s apartment and made the mistake of complimenting her on her new Gwyneth Paltrow candle. When she said she didn’t have one, I showed myself to the door.

O.J. Simpson sued the Las Vegas Cosmopolitan Hotel for defamation of character for evicting him recently. He was asked to leave for what the casino considered to be drunken and obnoxious behavior in the hotel’s steakhouse restaurant. O.J. told the waiter to tell his dad that he’s still looking.

Broadway producers are casting a musical about the life of Michael Jackson. They’re looking for a 10- to 12-year-old African-American boy to play the young Jackson and an animated corpse of an elderly white woman to play older Michael. The kids in the chorus will be rotated weekly.

Sacramento is weighing a bill to allow California make its own generic drugs, just as effective as brand-name drugs. Generic cocaine in Compton sells for half the price name-brand cocaine sells for in Beverly Hills. And they BOTH make you the King of England for the next 20 minutes.

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