Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Sat, Jan. 18

Hamilton: Elvis was the first to descend to heaven

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

Graceland in Memphis had a vigil Wednesday to mark the eighty-fifth anniversary of the birth of Elvis Presley. When he died, pathologists found in his blood large amounts of Dilaudid, Percodan, Demerol and codeine, and Quaalude. Elvis may be the only man in history who descended to Heaven.

President Trump announced that tensions with Iran have eased Wednesday after Iran fired off wild missile shots missing U.S. personnel. There won’t be a war. The president’s good news was quickly contested by his two leading Democrat critics, Damned if He Does and Damned if He Doesn’t.

Nancy Pelosi griped Tuesday that Trump didn’t brief Congress before the U.S. attack on Iran’s terrorist general. He’d just learned a new trick. Trump was going to send his attack plans over to Pelosi but he decided to hold them up until Congress lets him know how they’re going to handle them.

Nancy Pelosi reportedly declined a phone call from Mike Pence intended to give her a security update on Iran Tuesday as she was busy at a D.C. restaurant party. No hard feelings. Trump just offered to keep Nancy Pelosi in the loop on the Iran situation by inviting her to follow him on Twitter.

Iran launched fifteen missiles on Tuesday intended to go in the general direction of a U.S. Army base in Western Iraq, eleven of which missed and four of which are unaccounted for. However, one Ukrainian airliner is down. It’s an awful thing for the Iranians to celebrate but I guess it’s something.

President Trump said Iran has stood down after their futile missile response to his drone strike on Iran’s terrorist general. He gave up a lot to take him out. With an eighty-million-dollar bounty on Trump’s head, imagine how awful his hair is going to look now that he’s cutting it himself.

Joe Biden pitching for eco-votes called for a ban on plastic bags Wednesday. They’re serious about that out here.  Last year, California released thousands of prisoners convicted of selling drugs unless they sold the drugs in plastic baggies, and then more prison time was added to their sentences.

Harvey Weinstein’s trial for rape and sexual assault got underway in Manhattan Tuesday with jury selection. He forgot where he was. Halfway through the proceedings, the judge threatened to throw Weinstein in jail for whipping it out in the courtroom, only this time it was just his cell phone.

President Trump’s campaign just bought a sixty-second Super Bowl ad this week in response to Mike Bloomberg purchasing a one-minute Super Bowl ad. It’s unprecedented. In the past the Super Bowl has always banned issue ads, unless the issue is whether or not cleavage sells Budweiser.

The Daily Mail said Queen Elizabeth will be handing over more royal duties to Prince Charles this year. It’s reported she drinks four cocktails a day plus a glass of champagne every night just before going to bed--that’s right a glass of champagne at bedtime. Who does she think she is, herself?

The L.A. Times ripped Ricky Gervais’s Golden Globes hosting for ripping Hollywood hypocrisy Sunday. He’s a liberal, but a free-speech advocate who refuses to live with political correctness. Now is as good a time as any to say I am inexpressibly saddened by Ricky Gervais’s suicide next week.

Retired General Jack Keane assured Fox News viewers during the missile attack Tuesday that Iran was staging a face-saving attack that would intentionally hit nothing, allowing Trump to avoid war and declare victory the next day. It played out just that way. The way Fox News cleverly uses beautiful blonde anchors to lure Trump into watching tutorials could win them the Nobel Peace Prize.

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