Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Wed, Feb. 19

Hamilton: Gervais Hollywood attack didn’t have Congressional OK

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Golden Globe Awards were highlighted by Ricky Gervais’ blistering and hilarious anti-PC opening monologue. It didn’t go unnoticed in Washington. Ricky Gervais could be impeached and removed from show business for attacking Hollywood without first obtaining Congressional approval.

The Beverly Hilton Hotel hosted the Golden Globe Awards Sunday that aired on NBC. Before the celebrities arrived, a sewage pipe suddenly burst in front of the hotel, soaking the red carpet in raw sewage water. It was widely believed to be Donald Trump’s second successful attack in three days.

President Trump ordered the military to launch a drone-fired Hellfire missile to kill Iran’s Major General and terrorism coordinator Qassim Suleimani. The mainstream media was aghast. If Trump killed Hitler the New York Times would mourn the loss of a promising Austrian artist and vegetarian.

Iran’s Major General Qassim Suleimani was killed by a Hellfire missile fired by a drone aircraft waiting for him to deplane on the tarmac at the Baghdad Airport on Thursday. Naturally the Iraqis call the act a murder. However, the New York City prison medical examiner ruled his death a suicide.

Iran reacted swiftly to the drone attack assassination of its leading terrorist General Suleimani in Baghdad last Thursday. Iran immediately offered an $80 million dollar reward for the head of Donald Trump. Imagine how awful Kathy Griffin feels, she had it in her hand and then threw it away.

President Trump announced the assassination of Iran’s terror coordinator General Suleimani Thursday in a TV broadcast. Trump insisted he does not want a war. He is considering giving a speech this week in Beverly Hills, which will give Trump a chance to speak directly to the Iranian people.

French president Emmanuel Macron reacted to the war drums in the Persian Gulf Saturday and declared that the nation of France would not join the United States in any armed conflict with Iran. It’s a brand-new record. The war hasn’t even started and already France has surrendered.

Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter told CNN the decision to take out General Suleimani was the right call made by the wrong president. The left was not about to give President Trump any credit for the action. Iran immediately endorsed Nancy Pelosi’s statement that Trump is a clear and present danger.

The National Retail Federation reports record-high retail, big-box store and online Christmas shopping volume from Thanksgiving evening until Christmas morning. In addition, that day, Chicago had a record high of 62. It’s their most number of shootings EVER on Christmas Day.

White Settlement, Texas, produced a local hero when an armed member of the church security team killed a church shooter. But now the media is saying that the town’s name sounds exclusive and racist. So to placate the liberals, the town agreed to change its name to White Settlement, Connecticut.

Hillary Clinton was honored in Northern Ireland Tuesday when she was named Chancellor of Queen’s University by the school’s regents in Belfast. In addition it’s rumored that Bill Clinton will soon be joining Joe Biden on the campaign trail in Iowa. It’ll be known as the Fondling Fathers tour.

The Methodist Church agreed to split into two churches over the issue of gay marriage. The schism uncovered the same long-suppressed differences between the Easy-Grace Anglican wing and the Calvinist wing among Methodists that were revealed in its parent Episcopal Church a decade ago over gay marriage. Church traditionalists can’t abide a theology that hates the sin and loves the shoes.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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