Hamilton: Dog show tabulations done faster than Iowa primary
BEVERLY HILLS — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show aired live from Madison Square Garden on Monday and Tuesday in New York. The competition was won by a Standard Poodle who out-polled all the other dogs. The sad part is, they had the tabulations done faster than the presidential primary in Iowa.
Houston Astros owner Jim Crane denied responsibility for the Astros stealing signs during the 2017 World Series. He said he knew nothing of it, that it didn’t impact the Series anyway, and the important thing was, the Astros won. Alec Baldwin can only wish his Trump impression was this good.
The University of Delaware honored its alum Joe Biden by naming a building on campus after him called the Joe Biden Institute. For all of Joe’s quirkiness he’s a lovable guy. The Joe Biden Institute Building is four stories tall, and in Joe’s honor, the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top.
Elizabeth Warren ripped into Mike Bloomberg Thursday over a twelve-year-old tape of Mike blaming minority home loans for the 2008 financial crisis. Her campaign needs help.
I won’t say Elizabeth Warren is hurting for money but her new campaign slogan is I Put the Po in Pocahontas.
President Trump met with New York Governor Cuomo over withdrawing Trusted Travelers Program from New York for fear of another 9-11 after New York began giving driver’s licenses to illegal aliens. For his part, New York City’s police chief said he’ll never forget 9-11. I should hope not, that’s his phone number.
Attorney General William Barr was interviewed by ABC News Thursday and slammed Trump for tweeting about an active federal case. The Attorney General went on ABC to complain about the President going on Twitter. Gentlemen, there’s only one way to settle this, and that’s on Facebook.
Roger Stone’s conviction is in doubt after the jury forewoman turned out to be a Trump hater on Twitter. During jury selection she’d said she had no bias against Trump’s crony, so the conviction may be thrown out of court. Hillary expressed her sorrow about Stone’s skydiving accident next week.
Amazon CEO Jeffrey Bezos purchased a one hundred and-sixty-five million dollar mansion in the Los Angeles suburb of Bel Air. The house is spectacular. His Amazon app informed Jeff if he liked this purchase, he may also like Buckingham Palace, the Taj Mahal and the Palace at Versailles.
High Times reported one hundred and sixty million people worldwide smoke marijuana. After Parasite won the Academy Award for Best Picture last Sunday, producer Bong Ho went to Snoop Dog’s after party and he lived up to his name. All night long they had to tell him to pass the bong, ho.
China’s government issued welcome news Thursday stating that the Corona Virus outbreak is finally receding in Wuhan Province and China. The generally self-centered party crowd here in West Hollywood has one question. Is it true that China is housing Corona Virus victims in six-packs?
Conde Nast says Corona Virus fears may kill Asia tourism this year. Travel is the best way for kids to experience new cultures. In 1977, a few of us young Comedy Store comics went to Thailand where we visited a hotel saloon called The Men’s Only Pub. For hours it was just us, and fifty women.
The World Health Organization reported the eighteenth Corona Virus victim was diagnosed in the U.S. Thursday. For men, the signs of Corona Virus are sweating and weakness, diarrhea and stomach pain. It’s the same feeling you get when you see your wife or girlfriend checking your phone.