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Wed, Nov. 20

Dear Annie: Holding out for right house

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost five years now. He says that he wants to get married soon; however, he is almost 30 and we still don’t live together. We have been living with our respective parents in order to save up money to buy a house.

During the course of our relationship, we have saved more than enough. Each time we see a house, he has a million and one complaints. I’m at the point where this just seems hopeless. I want to move out and live my life, but he keeps stopping me, saying that we have to get the “right house.” Should I just give up and do my own thing, or wait it out? — Desperately Waiting for a Change

Dear Desperately Waiting: Instead of waiting for a change, be proactive and make what you want happen. First, be honest with yourself because you’re both making good points. Are you rushing to buy a house just because you want to get married? If that is the case, then your boyfriend has a point. On the other hand, if you truly feel that he is stalling because he doesn’t want to get married or he is unsure about you, then by all means, take your hard-earned money and buy yourself a house.

Dear Annie: My wife and I went to our granddaughter’s wedding recently, and it was the first time we witnessed something that we had heard about but never seen.

After the cake was cut, the bride and groom shoved the cake into each other’s faces. We were stunned.

The ceremony had been so elegant and beautiful, and the dinner was wonderful. But I felt like the entire wedding was spoiled by that appalling act. My wife felt the same way. When we got back to our hotel room, that’s all we could talk about.

My brother is pretty formal, and I can only imagine how furious he was to watch his daughter having a piece of cake smooshed into her face. He laughed as it happened, but I know him, and he was not laughing inside. I do not plan to bring it up with him when we are together — not now and not ever.

Do you have any thoughts about this? Why in the world would a loving couple try to publicly humiliate each other on their night of glory? — Dumbfounded

Dear Dumbfounded: We all know that some couples celebrate their marriage by smashing the wedding cake into each other’s faces. It usually starts with the groom, but not always. Sometimes it begins with one person putting a dab of icing on the other’s nose and then it escalates.

Some people justify it if both parties agree in advance, and they say it is all in good fun. But I’m with you and your wife. I think it can be degrading to the bride and groom. Publicly humiliating or mocking each other for fun is horrible, always.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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