Hamilton: What is no one followed Milano’s sex strike idea?
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Alyssa Milano protested a Georgia abortion law on Friday by demanding that every woman in the U.S. go on a sex strike against men until women retrieve what Milano calls their reproductive rights. The idea has everybody asking one question. Suppose they gave a sex strike and nobody came?
Dennis Rodman was mentioned Friday as an emissary to Kim Jung Un to get his friend to rein in his warlike binge. But next day, Rodman was accused of breaking into a Newport Beach yoga studio and stealing a 400-pound crystal. That’s tacky; there’s no need to mention her weight.
The New York Post reported NYPD statistics Monday showing that crime in New York is down but murder and vandalism are up. Last night in West Hollywood I saw a bumper sticker on a car in the grocery store parking lot that read I Miss New York. So I smashed the window and stole the radio.
Prince Harry and Meghan presented their new baby Archie to the TV cameras on Sunday. It’s been a year since the royal wedding. I’ll say this for her, Meghan is the only Hollywood star who kept her promise to leave the United States if Donald Trump got elected, if you don’t count Doris Day.
China caused a stock market fall Monday by announcing 25 percent tariffs on all U.S. imported goods. The Americans export 50 billion in goods to China every year. China raised their tariffs from 10 percent to 25 percent, and yet an hour later we were hungry for more tariffs.
President Trump told reporters he’ll meet with China’s president Xi at the G-20 Summit and also meet with Vladimir Putin. China wants to destroy us economically while Russia wants to destroy us militarily. But it’s like a fraternity reunion compared to dealing with House Democrats .
William Barr appointed U.S. attorney John Durham to investigate the FBI’s probe of the Trump campaign. It’s to see if Obama partisans conspired to present a FISA court with false evidence to frame Trump. In a perfect comedy, Obama gets out of this by showing he was never legally president.
U.S. News and World Report cited statistics showing that the divorce rate in the U.S. has soared to 50 percent of all marriages. Osama bin Laden lived in one compound with three wives and he never left the house for three years. It is now widely believed he called the U.S. Navy SEALs on himself.
The Weather Channel reports that freak spring weather that’s caused snowstorms in Colorado and flooding in Houston has left Southern California buried beneath low cloud cover. We really need some sun here. My legs are so white, they just created a Go Fund Me page for Felicity Huffman.
The New York Post says a Virginia man weighing 900 pounds had to have his house sawed open so he could be prosecuted as head of a cocaine conspiracy ring. I’ve never heard of a 900-pound guy snorting cocaine. Was it cut with butter? I hope they throw the library at him.
Iran ordered Iranian men Monday not to look at women during Ramadan and warned women to stay covered up in hijabs. Talk about two different cultures. Iran covers up their women and sells their oil, and in Los Angeles we cover up our oil while encouraging women to take topless selfies.
Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden arrived in Hollywood on Friday and raised $800,000 from stars and producers and studio owners. They’re getting desperate out here. President Trump has Hollywood so crazy he has R-rated movie actresses calling for sexual abstinence.
Hillary Clinton enjoyed a huge crowd in New Hampshire that cheered her to run for president after weeks of listless audiences. Comedians know firsthand every crowd is different. My Democratic girlfriend hates my Bill Clinton impression so much that whenever ever I do Clinton, she does Milano.