Hamilton: The most exciting 2 minutes in sports
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Kentucky Derby is run on Saturday at Churchill Downs in Louisville, Kentucky. The race has some competition this year. As long as New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft has access to an Asian massage parlor, the Derby can’t be considered The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports.
The American Academy of Dermatology published a list of skin cancer warning signs Tuesday while urging sunbathers to exercise caution this summer while sunbathing. The Irish, to protect their fair-skin from sunburn, have invented the world’s most effective sun block. They are called pubs.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians opened its season to the lowest opening night TV ratings in the history of the reality series set in Westside Los Angeles. However, this year’s plot line may be the talk of the town. Kim Kardashian is studying to be a lawyer so get ready for some really big briefs.
Chicago’s prosecutors face a possible special prosecutor themselves over how they handled the Jussie Smollett case. It’s a crazy city. Last week R. Kelly lost a civil lawsuit filed by a woman who claimed that the rap star sexually abused her with kinky sex acts, but hell, they met on pee-Harmony.
Psychology Today reports narcissistic personality disorder is an epidemic among young adults in the United States today. I can tell you exactly where this disease came from. Los Angeles is the only place where people don’t think the cameras at traffic intersections take ENOUGH pictures of us.
The Pentagon dispatched additional U.S. troops to the U.S.-Mexico border to back up the Border Patrol and aid in wall construction. Trans-border migration is all about supply and demand. If Mexico ever stopped sending drugs across the border, Americans would be the ones climbing the wall.
Barack and Michelle Obama released a list of the documentaries and dramas they’ll produce as part of their hundred million dollar Netflix deal. They also got a sixty-five million dollar book deal. It has to be so demoralizing for Democrats that even the Obamas are doing better under Trump.
President Trump hosted Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer for a working lunch Tuesday. The three agreed to push a two trillion dollar infrastructure bill. The only tension came after lunch when they were offered ice cream for dessert and the two Democrats in unison asked for peach mint.
Washington state lawmakers in Olympia are set to pass a new law to allow humans in the state to be composted after they die as an alternative to them being buried. Gee, great another bin we have to sort. Lawyers and politicians will be exempt because they are already considered the finalized product.
British Medical Journal Lancet ran an article recommending that people go offline for several hours a day and interact with other people. Social media is putting all of us on edge. A new study reveals that Americans are the most stressed-out people in the world, so we shot and killed the survey.
The National Parks Service warned summer tourists to take safety precautions while exploring the parks. Five people mysteriously fell to their death in the Grand Canyon in April, and most Americans are asking the same question. What information did these people have on Hillary Clinton?
The Arkansas Democrat reported an Arkansas woman was convicted last Friday of murdering her husband. She shot and killed him when she discovered porn charges on the monthly satellite TV bill. The Arkansans just couldn’t figure out why you’d pay for porn when you have cousins for free.