Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Tue, Sept. 17

Hamilton: Love of beer might get you to the Supreme court

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?    

The New York Post said the FBI labeled its college admissions scandal bust Operation Varsity Blues. No one had to lie or cheat or bribe anybody to get me into the University of Oklahoma. My high ACT score combined with my love of beer had future Supreme Court Justice written all over me.

The College Board, which administers the SAT test vowed to halt rich celebrities from cheating the system to get their kids in elite schools. Parents will do anything to help their kids toward their career goals. Seven years ago, my mother paid $400,000 to get me on Instagram.

The FBI busted dozens of stars and rich parents in an organized bribery scam to get their kids into prestigious colleges. It made no sense. I can’t believe celebrities spent millions of dollars to get their kids into elite universities, when for free they could have just said they were Native American.

The L.A. Times reports TV stars funneled money to fixer Rick Singer to get their kids into good private colleges. Well, there’s always affirmative action. Students at Beverly Hills High school now get high cheekbones for their 16th birthday, because a cute nose won’t get you into Harvard.

Chicago’s Cook County Jail released R. Kelly for the second time in two weeks Friday after he paid his quarter-million past-due child support. The rap star got some even more bad news on Wednesday. His song “I Believe I Can Fly” was rejected by Boeing as its new TV commercial jingle.

The Democratic National Committee chose Milwaukee as the site of its 2020 national convention to nominate its candidate. Democrats have a new plan of action that they think can win. For every month Trump remains president, they give Paul Manafort another three years in federal prison.

Robert Kraft’s lawyer said he will plead not guilty to soliciting prostitutes at the Asian massage parlor in Florida. There’s an innocent explanation. It just turns out that Robert was celebrating International Women’s Day with international women, and his pants fell off during all the excitement.

The Los Angeles City Council is considering a measure banning rodeos and steer roping as a form of animal cruelty. Local ordinances in So Cal determine animal rights rules. In Hollywood you can still have a tiger at your house party, but you don’t rent them, you just leave the money on the dresser.

Tim Berners-Lee, the man who created the World Wide Web on the Internet 30 years ago said Tuesday it’s become dysfunctional and full of perverse content. Al Gore had no idea 18 years ago when he said he invented the Internet that history would honor him as Father of Free Porn.

The Democratic Party’s number of presidential candidates reached 23 last weekend with the leading candidate Joe Biden still in the stables. Joe said Wednesday that he will make an announcement in April. He should start talking now and he will get to that part of the speech by April.

Conde Nast magazine says more Americans will go abroad this summer than any other time in history. Studies show that more than ever we travel alone. That is because we know if we travel in a group we may be mistaken for a caravan when we try to come home and get turned back at the border.

President Trump grounded all Boeing 737 Max planes in the wake of the Ethiopian Airlines crash Wednesday and no one disagreed with his presidential decision. The media was way too quiet. Any moment I expect that CNN will accuse Trump of colluding with Sir Isaac Newton in a plot to kill black people.

Paul Manafort received a second light sentence Tuesday from a judge who repeated that there was no Trump-Russia collusion. The real issue is the ceaseless data-mining by Kremlin hackers. Facebook was down for so long on Wednesday I decided to Fed-Ex my private information to Russia.

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