Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Wed, Oct. 16

Hamilton: Chinese visitors seeking danger?

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump returned from England to face an overlooked domestic crisis. The focus of U.S. attention the entire past week has been on the greatest invasion in human history. The Border Patrol held out as long as they could, but in the end they were overwhelmed by the Central Americans.

The Washington Post moaned Wednesday that Trump will be making a speech from the Lincoln Memorial during the July Fourth celebration. Well, maybe. Technically, Trump could say he’s at least a thousand times greater than Lincoln because only one actor wanted to kill Lincoln.

China issued a warning to its citizens against vacationing in the U.S. this summer. They said U.S. cities are rife with shootings, robberies and sexual assaults. The Chinese are so bored with their regimented lives in China they heard the warning and now they can’t wait to land in Chicago.

Queen Elizabeth gave Trump a first-edition Winston Churchill’s “The Second World War”. During the war, Winnie consumed copious amounts of Scotch, Brandy and Champagne while saving the world from Hitler, who didn’t drink. Trump couldn’t receive a more obvious hint to loosen up a little.

Trump stopped by Ireland on Wednesday where he rested for the next day’s Normandy ceremonies at his golf club resort in Shannon. His hosts were surprisingly hospitable. As much as the Irish hate William of Orange, it’s a miracle they gave Donald the Orange the benefit of the doubt.

France hosted the leaders of the U.S., Britain, Canada, and Germany in Normandy on Thursday to mark the 75th anniversary of D-Day. There was no noticeable tension. Trump didn’t mind the Germans attending the D-Day ceremonies since there wouldn’t have been an invasion without them.

Chancellor Angela Merkel was at the D-Day service, if nothing else as a grim reminder. Today it remains illegal for German troops to be stationed in Europe outside of Germany, for the same reason you do NOT let Argus Hamilton go get the beer. As well as we’ve been doing, it’s still too soon.

The White House moved to confront drug smuggling on our southern border Wednesday. It’s growing. The DEA discovered $20 million worth of cocaine hidden in bananas arriving from Mexico last Friday, but with Trump’s new tariffs, it was $21 million worth of cocaine.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez attacked Joe Biden for not seeing climate change as the same world emergency she does. House Democrats just proposed a bill giving a $4,500 pay raise to members of Congress. This may have been the Green New Deal all along.

The New York Post reported that a woman in New York has come forward to accuse the nuns who taught her in Catholic school of torturing and sexually abusing her when she was a school girl. It’s not all bad. At least no one can accuse the Catholic Church of not practicing gender diversity.

HBO’s series “Chernobyl” is a dramatic account of the worst nuclear plant accident in history 30 years ago in the old Soviet Union. Ukraine recently announced it plans build a huge amusement theme park at Chernobyl. They say it’s like Disneyland except the 6-foot mouse is real.

The Comedy Store is mourning the great comic Sammy Shore who founded the Store in 1972 and lost it to ex-wife Mitzi in 1974. It’s a world-famous stage for those whom child psychiatrists label the incorrigible. I never dreamed you could get paid to be a functioning idiot, but here I am, killing it!

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at

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