Dear Annie: Destination wedding a burden for parents
Dear Annie: Our beautiful 44-year-old daughter is making plans to be married for the third time. Her first wedding was over-the-top and cost us a fortune. Her second wedding was also expensive, held at a private home. We helped her pay for that wedding, as well. She is now planning her third, which she says will be a destination wedding. The destination she chose is across the country in a very expensive area.
Between the two of them, they have five children. They make a good income but not enough for this not to be a burden to them financially.
My husband and I feel that because their friends and family have now attended two weddings and given two gifts, this would be too much. We wish she would have a very low-key local wedding with just her immediate family and then have a small party to celebrate down the road.
We’re not sure whether to broach the subject and give her our opinion or to leave it alone. Her father and I would be financially unable to attend the destination wedding. — Mother of the Bride, Times 3
Dear Mother of the Bride: For everyone’s sake, I certainly hope that the third time’s a charm and that your daughter found her Prince Charming.
Though she will always be your daughter, she is still a 44-year-old adult who is capable of making her own decisions. If she and her fiance want to have a destination wedding, then by all means, let them do so. The fact that her friends and family have attended two weddings might make it more challenging for them to have many people attend, but maybe they want it that way.
All that being said, I think you need to sit down and talk to your daughter — not to tell her what you think her wedding should be like but rather to tell her you and her father would be unable to attend because of the financial burden. Once she has this knowledge from you, it will be up to her to decide whether she wants to either pay for your travel expenses or have her parents not attend her wedding. By pointing this out, you may make her realize that it might be a financial burden to others, as well.
In the end, it’s her party. You can always share your wisdom and advice with your grown children, but you can’t always expect them to listen.
Dear Annie: Recently, you printed a letter from “Bashful,” who was frustrated that her face flushes so easily when embarrassed. She said she used to blush whenever a cute guy spoke with her but has mostly gotten over that with age and increased confidence. My suggestion would be that she work on becoming a better speaker. Her blushing around cute guys went down as she got more experienced and thus more confident. Likewise, practice in public speaking should help her blush less.
I recommend Toastmasters. Toastmasters did a lot to help me overcome stage fright and become a smoother speaker. There are Toastmasters chapters all over the country and even around the world. Here is a site to find the nearest Toastmasters group: http://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club. — Ann K.
Dear Ann: You make a great practical suggestion. I do not have direct experience with Toastmasters myself, but I’ve heard many fine things from readers about the organization.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane email@example.com.