VOLPE: ‘Loco local yokel’ urges following law
A couple weeks ago I was talking with Tim Wiederaenders, the senior news editor for the Courier. He said, “If you write anything for the Courier, we are first and foremost a local paper, so always think local, local, local.”
Then, sitting across from me, he began writing upside down to illustrate to me where the Courier and Tribune are delivered.
I said, “Very impressive, Tim, but I have difficulty writing right-side up.”
Anyway, on a recent morning I leaped out of bed at 2:38 a.m. scratching my head and thinking, “Does he want me to write articles in the Courier upside down? And did he say, write ‘local, local, local,’ or was it ‘loco, loco, loco’?” So here I sit with writer’s block, trying to figure out what he said, as I try to conjure up an interesting local or loco article.
I believe I am covering all the bases by deciding to be the Courier’s loco local yokel. I would like to be the representative of the readers — your man on the street who is impartial and writes without bias or prejudice.
Some writers write to the left, some to the right. Others have a tendency to lean left or right. I try to write directly up the center of the aisle, laying merit or blame wherever it is deserved, even on myself if necessary.
There are far too many criminals in our midst. Not only do we have drug pushers and users, but more importantly, we have many criminals who are disregarding the cellphone law. Why is this law more important? Because it affects many more people. If you are a “cellphone driver,” you are not only putting your passengers in jeopardy, you are also putting everyone who is outside their residence, driving, bicycling, motorcycling, walking or running, at risk of being killed or maimed by you.
Yes, the law applies to you too. If you use your cellphone while driving, look in your rearview mirror and admit that you are a criminal. Your blatant disobedience of the law affects many people. Law enforcement agencies fight many criminal activities to protect us, they don’t have the time nor the manpower to babysit you to make certain you are obeying a cellphone law.
We must be responsible drivers who are responsible for our actions. We must police ourselves. The life you save may be your own. Even better, you may save the lives of your wife, children, dog or cat. Don’t try to fool yourself with the copout “it won’t happen to me.” So, hook up your Bluetooth, it may save you a white tooth, or even a white sheet over your corpse.
However, if you are hell-bent on committing suicide by cellphone, do it when you are the only person in the vehicle. Do it on some country road where no one else is around. And please die with your cellphone in your hand so we are absolutely certain why and how you died, like the person who shoots himself always dies with the gun in their hand.
It would probably be advantageous to unhook your seatbelt also. In this manner, at least you will set an example for others as to what not to do. Who knows, posthumously, you may even save a life or two.
Ciao for now, J.J.