Hamilton: Short speeches indicate truthful politicians
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
George Washington will be honored on Presidents Day in speeches and in festivities at Mount Vernon. He remains in the polls our most popular president. Washington’s first Inaugural speech was only two minutes long, proving that if a politician isn’t going to lie, it leaves very little else to say.
President Trump was urged by English teachers Monday to employ better syntax and spelling in his tweets as an example to kids. I think it’s better he just be himself. Last week Trump turned one of the rooms in the White House into a simulated golf course and we’re all guessing it was the library.
The Weather Channel reported that Southern California is being pummeled by another round of El Nino-type rainfall. It’s starting to cause serious problems. The rainstorms and mudslides are making driving in Los Angeles so hazardous that it’s throwing Vince Vaughn’s car onto the road.
The Oscars will give out the Best Cinematography, Film Editing and Best Make-Up award during commercials. They need time for the In Memoriam reel listing the stars who died. The death list has been lengthened to include every white celebrity who’s ever appeared on camera in dark make-up.
A Texas man entered an abandoned house in Houston to smoke pot Sunday and found a tiger inside. Naturally the stoner wanted to take a selfie with the cat and post it. That would’ve left him with a photo of himself at one with nature and the tiger with a nice photo of his steak and ribs dinner.
The Miami Herald reports a Florida woman had her boyfriend arrested for beating her across the face with a Taco Bell burrito. It was a political gift from Heaven. Now advocates of the New Green Deal can say that products that produce methane gas are disproportionately harmful to women.
President Trump said Wednesday he would study the bi-partisan border wall compromise until Friday. His path is clear. Trump can accept the deal, then get emergency money and build more wall, then he can tear down the wall next year and get re-elected on a promise to Make America Clean Again.
The Senate Intelligence Committee issued a report on its two-year Russia probe and concluded there was no collusion between Trump and the Russians during the presidential election. CNN is just going to have to be satisfied that El Chapo is going to jail. They’re never going to get El Cheeto.
The Atlanta Constitution reports a woman wearing only her underwear was able to completely shut down an airport in South Carolina on Monday. You can imagine the confusion she caused at the security checkpoint. The TSA screeners have never looked at anyone with that many clothes on.
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in an interview compared America’s treatment of racial minorities to that of the Nazis. Young people throw that word around way too casually. The New Oxford English Dictionary defines Nazi as anybody who disagrees with you on Facebook.
Kamala Harris said she smoked pot in college listening to Tupac Shakur’s and Snoop Dogg’s music. However when she was in college, Tupac and Snoop hadn’t recorded anything yet. I’m old enough to remember when presidential candidates lied by saying they didn’t smoke pot in college.
US News and World Report cited a study which found that Chicago tops the nation as the most corrupt city in America. It extends all the way to Springfield. Illinois is the only state where the governor rides around in a limousine bearing license plates that were made by the previous governor.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.