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Wed, Feb. 19

Hamilton: Impeachment goes over like Hindenburg

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Titanic II is set to sail from England to New York next April. It’s a much larger version of the ill-fated Titanic which went down in 1912. In a startling coincidence on Wednesday, the House Democrats voted two Articles of Impeachment that went over in Middle America like the Hindenburg.

The House of Representatives staged a debate over the articles of impeachment Wednesday in which all four hundred thirty-five members got to speak for one minute. They took turns at the microphone for eight hours and nobody got one laugh. It was like the world’s worst Open Mic Night.

President Trump became the third president to be impeached Wednesday in a strictly partisan vote. They all said no one is above the law. No one is above the law, that is, except Joe Biden, who cannot be investigated because he’s running for president, and Hillary Clinton because she’s not.

TV Guide reported that all the major TV networks and cable news channels covered the House impeachment debate live. Everybody hammed it up for the cameras. To set a somber mood, all the House Democrats wore black and Nancy Pelosi had her plastic surgeon put a sad look on her face.

President Trump addressed a rally in Michigan during the House debate Wednesday. He was onstage and true to form. Trump declared that his impeachment is the greatest impeachment in the history of the English-speaking peoples, better than anybody’s, the perfect impeachment.

Nancy Pelosi spoke to reporters late Wednesday and hinted she may not send over the articles of impeachment to the Senate unless the GOP Senate gives her the kind of trial she wants. Acquittal is certain in the Senate. House Democrats can say You’re Impeached, but they’ll never say, Your Fired!

Nancy Pelosi’s hint that she may not send the articles of impeachment to the Senate was seen as a way to keep trolling for new charges. It’ll never end. Trump may hire fifty dump trucks to drop two tons of manure on Pelosi’s driveway so she can also charge him with obstruction of Bentleys.

The Wall Street Journal reports that the New York Stock Exchange broke new records this week as the Dow Jones rose by its ten thousandth point since the day Trump was elected. Not everybody is happy. CNN hates President Trump so much they canceled their annual Year End Economic Review.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called for a boycott of Australian wool due to objections over the way Aussies manhandle sheep during shearing. It’s possible for animals to be very sensitive. My neighbor in West Hollywood has a cat who self-identifies as Bruce Jenner’s dog.

The London Daily Express reported Queen Elizabeth has canceled Prince Andrew’s sixtieth birthday party which was scheduled this month. His rehabilitation isn’t going very well. Last Sunday it was reported Prince Andrew called the Missing Children’s Hotline and asked if they deliver.

Billboard reports that the Rolling Stones are cutting a blues album of cover songs before their final tour in 2020. Facebook and Instagram allowed millions of their fans Wednesday to wish Keith Richards a happy seventy-sixth birthday. You don’t look a day over one hundred and thirty-six.

The Senate heard added details about the investigation of Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign from Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz Wednesday. He admitted that texts between federal agents betrayed political bias. Republicans suspected bias when they saw President Trump’s official portrait in the White House and even it was marked Framed by the FBI.

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