Hamilton: Image is everything for Californians, even comedians
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Southern California mountains were under a frost alert Monday as a cold front from Alaska roared into L.A. It just added to the nation’s holiday feel. Last night a woman in Chicago froze to death while walking to her car despite repeated warnings from her boyfriend that it was cold outside.
Vanity Fair reported on a style survey of American cities that found that Los Angeles is most obsessed by the image it projects to the world. That extends all the way to the comedians. The other day I accidentally dialed 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn’t look stupid.
The Wall Street Journal reported that Americans spent a record $9 billion dollars on Online Monday holiday shopping. It’s a new world in retail sales. A new study by Business Insider says Amazon is now worth twice as much as WalMart, so WalMart responded by adding a second cashier.
Clint Eastwood’s Richard Jewell movie opened Friday about the obese security guard Richard Jewell who was wrongly accused of setting off the explosion in the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. The poster alone evacuated theaters. The film bombed so hard they’re bringing Richard Jewell back in for questioning.
Star Wars fans are already lined up down the block at Mann’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood ahead of next week’s premiere. Many of the fans are dressed in full costume. The Democrats notice that Trump hasn’t even been re-elected and already Hollywood Boulevard is lined with storm troopers.
Joe Biden refused to answer questions about his son Hunter’s Ukraine and Chinese business deals and substance abuse problems. Still, it looks like Hunter has landed on his feet once again. Hollywood heard about his cocaine problem and hired him to cater the Golden Globes in three weeks.
House Democrats released a report of their impeachment case against President Trump. They know the GOP Senate won’t convict him. Impeachment used to be a criminal charge against the president that demanded action, now it’s a soothing ritual that brings comfort to the opposition party.
Jim Comey admitted the FBI was a little sloppy pretending Carter Page wasn’t a CIA agent so they could target him as a way to frame Trump for Russia collusion. It was quite fair. After Comey cost Hillary the presidency before the election he tried to cost Trump the presidency after the election.
The New York Post interviewed Harvey Weinstein Sunday in the wake of his huge sexual harassment settlement and ahead of his sexual assault trial. He’s now in the hospital. Harvey checked into Columbia Presbyterian for back surgery Friday and after 15 minutes, he took a turn for the nurse.
The NFL was forced to deal with fresh scandals that involve the New England Patriots spying again plus retired veterans bilking the system. Ten former NFL players have just been charged in an insurance fraud scheme. Prosecutors are calling it the biggest health care scam since Obama Care.
President Trump was urged by his doctors in his last physical to cut down on the fast food and eat healthy. In one photo, he’s pictured in the White House banquet room standing in front of hundreds of Big Macs, Whoppers and buckets of KFC fried chicken. Okay so maybe he tried pot once.
Taco Bell officials have announced that the Mexican fast food restaurant chain will so begin selling beer to customers at Taco Bell restaurants in Canada. Taco Bell explained selling alcohol is their attempt to appeal to a very specific demographic. Namely, divorced dads with weekend custody.
Chick-Fil-A restaurants agreed last week to stop making corporate donations to conservative Christian charities after protests from the LGBT community. It came as a surprise. No word if the restaurants plan to commemorate the decision by introducing the Chick-on-Chick Fil-A sandwich.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.