Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Thu, Jan. 23

Hamilton: Presidential candidates swing and miss

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Detroit hosted round two of the Democratic presidential candidates’ debates this week with TV pundits split over who won. The performances left millions of Americans asking themselves one big question. Why can’t Bernie Sanders be the president of my cable company so I can get free cable?

Democratic presidential candidate Marianne Williamson spoke out in the debates Wednesday about the spiritual necessity to clean up the water in Flint, Michigan. How the world has changed. I’m old enough to remember when cars were made in Flint and the water in Mexico was undrinkable.

CNN’s Don Lemon was the moderator for the Democratic debate Thursday. He did everything but ask the candidates to raise their hands if they would add the words Trump is a Racist to the Apostle’s Creed. No one knew until Monday that rats are protected under the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

President Trump posted photos of himself receiving a civil rights award with Rosa Parks and Muhammed Ali to blunt Democratic charges of racism and said he’s the least racist person in the world. This is why he’s so much fun. Trump’s not saying he’s NOT racist, just not as racist as others.

Joe Biden vowed to take back white working class voters from Trump. It won’t be easy. To win back the white working class, the Democrats need a stronger border policy, a toleration for private health insurance plans, and a red golf cap inscribed, Make Carne Asada Burritos Five Dollars Again.

The Democratic candidates inexplicably began attacking Barack Obama at Thursday’s debate for his massive deportation of detained illegal immigrants. What a ship of fools. Oh sure, they’re all happy Obama won Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Ohio but nobody wants to admit why.

Bernie Sanders launched a reboot of his campaign after the debates Thursday, going on a tour of college campuses where he is strong. The kids love him. Bernie is the only seventy-six-year-old man in the world who has college girls screaming and pointing at him without standing in a police line-up.

Joe Biden led the other Democratic candidates by a big margin in polls following Wednesday’s debate followed by Kamala Harris. Both campaigns have decided to flood the social media most used by their followers. Last week, Kamala Harris joined Instagram while Joe Biden joined Telegram.

Democratic candidates debated in Detroit, evoking every audience response from veneration to aggravation. Watching Bernie Sanders debate is like listening to your grandpa shouting about the raisins in his oatmeal. It’s fun at first, but after a few minutes of it, you just want breakfast to be over.

Cory Booker declared during the presidential candidates’ debate that Americans need to have a conversation about race. Okay, we’ll start with a conversation about mine. I’d like to share that golf combines the two things Anglo-Saxons most love to do, hitting things with a club and swearing.

Congresswoman Ilhan Omar made fun of Senator Rand Paul’s hairpiece after he offered to fly her back home to Somalia when she complained about how terrible life is in the U.S. Ilhan Omar made fun of Rand Paul’s head covering. And what Republican could have gotten away with THAT?

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