Originally Published: May 16, 2018 6 a.m.
HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Buckingham Palace scheduled the Royal Wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle for mid-afternoon this Saturday at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. On Monday, it was reported Meghan’s father won’t be attending the wedding. That’s alright, neither will Prince Harry’s.
The Comedy Store enlisted me to host an all-star comedian memorial tribute to the great Mitzi Shore Sunday night headlined by Byron Allen, who last week bought the Weather Channel for two hundred million dollars. The weather is the latest in edgy comedy. All CNN ever covers is Stormy.
President Trump predicted the GOP will hold the House this fall on the back of his successes in office. It’s not all sunshine. Just when everything seems to be going his way, Melania checks in the hospital for a kidney procedure and lists the Obamas as her emergency contact before surgery.
President Trump went with his wife Melania to Walter Reed Hospital in Washington Monday where she underwent minor kidney surgery and she’ll be there for a week. I’m worried if Trump plans to see her every day in the hospital. As it is, he’s being sued by the star of Trailer Trash Nurses.
Melania Trump was scheduled for a surgery this week in which surgeons slip a small incision in her side, choke off the blood flow to a benign kidney tumor and shrink it to a harmless size. It’s routine. Nevertheless, Mike Pence went along just in case there’s a change in the nation’s leadership.
American Heritage historians rate Donald Trump as the vainest president in American history citing, The Donald’s hair style and facial bronzer. All presidents are vain. George Washington’s teeth were made of wood, and at night before retiring he would place them in a glass of Lemon Pledge.
Kim Jung Un announced he’ll dismantle his nuclear testing facility in North Korea before the peace summit with the U.S. in June, and he will allow reporters to watch. Let’s hope that our top diplomats can keep up the great work. Dennis Rodman has just been flown to the big island in Hawaii.
The National Geologic Survey said that Hawaii’s Mount Kilauea may soon erupt molten lava and spew boulders the size of a school bus a mile into the air. It’s right on time. Somehow you knew that once President Trump sealed the Mexico border that school busing would be the next to go.
Christianity Today marked Ascension Sunday last weekend with a study saying that Jesus was dark-skinned. It says evidence shows the Judeans of that era had dark complexions going back centuries. Besides, if Jesus had been white, the Romans would have let him off with a warning ticket.
Ivanka Trump opened the new U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem on Monday which incited rioting by Palestinians in Gaza and terrorist attacks by Hamas. We should all be grateful that President Trump finally settled on Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. He had to be talked out of Mecca and Medinah.
Vladimir Putin reviewed a hundred-thousand Russian troops parade marching through Red Square in Moscow Wednesday to mark Victory in Europe Day. They’re getting those Happy Boots again. Then Putin released a tourism commercial inviting you to visit Russia before Russia visits you.
The Supreme Court on Monday voted to ban the federal government from preventing states to allow sports gambling. It’s a victory for states’ rights and legalizes huge revenue streams. Last year, Americans spent over half a trillion dollars on games of chance, not including weddings and elections.
Blue Cross and Blue Shield released a study showing that the number of Americans suffering from depression has skyrocketed thirty-three percent in the past year. Doctors have a technical name for these recent sufferers. They’re diagnosed as Democrats who can see the second term coming.