Dear Annie: Pulling the L-word trigger
Dear Annie: A friend recently set me up with an amazing man. We have been dating for roughly three months. Every time we go out, we have so much fun. I’m pretty sure that he is the one.
Last Saturday night was especially lovely. He told me to dress nicely and took me to a very fancy restaurant. We ate delicious food and laughed the whole evening. We then went back to my house to watch a movie.
As we were sitting on the couch, I told him that I think I’m falling in love with him. At that point, he sort of nervously smiled and said he’s having a really nice time getting to know me. Needless to say, I was very taken aback. I tried to just laugh it off. He still called me the next day, and we are resuming as though I never said the L-word.
Should I bring it up again? Should I assume that he doesn’t love me? Annie, help me. — Beat Him to the Punch Too Soon
Dear Beat Him to the Punch: Before you call your relationship a knockout, take a step back. It sounds as if you two have a wonderful connection that will continue to grow. Keep in mind that if telling someone that you love him too soon scares him off, then he was not the one. Better to learn that after three months than after three years.
Some people are slower to express their emotions, and the fact that he is behaving as before is a very good sign. Give him time. Perhaps he’ll surprise you and tell you soon that he loves you, too. Good relationships, like so much else in life, depend on a series of small successes achieved one day at a time.
Dear Annie: My husband persistently comments when he feels a person or a situation is gay. (I’m not sure how a situation can be gay, but whatever.) He is not homophobic and is all for equality for the LGBTQ community. But he keeps talking about how his “gaydar” tells him when someone is gay.
Since the birth of our daughter, it’s been getting more and more on my nerves. I don’t care what anyone’s sexuality is, and I don’t want to listen to my husband’s interpretation of it. He doesn’t mention how straight other people are. When I tell him this commentary is unwanted (by me and our friends), he blows me off.
What can I tell him to get him to understand that not everyone wants his take on sexuality? — Annoyed and Trying to Help
Dear Annoyed and Trying to Help: Tell him that these comments are not funny or insightful. They’re also not a good example to set for your daughter. (She might be pre-verbal now, but she won’t be for long.) If that’s not reason enough for him, you might mention that constantly talking about other people’s sexuality makes him seem uncomfortable with his own. Perhaps he should take some time to reflect on why he’s so preoccupied with the topic.
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