Originally Published: March 24, 2018 5:59 a.m.
Beverly Hills — Happy Palm Sunday, everybody, and God Bless America.
The London Daily Mail reported that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have selected Lemon Elderflower cake for their Royal wedding in London. You have to respect her. Meghan Markle was the only celebrity to keep her promise to leave the United States if Donald Trump got elected president.
Comedian Byron Allen bought the Weather Channel for three hundred million Friday. It’s the only TV channel everyone visits. He learned at the Comedy Store that people will pay twenty dollars a ticket to laugh, and about the only other thing they want to know is if it’s going to rain tomorrow.
Joe Biden threatened to beat up President Trump in a fist fight behind the gym Friday. Trump replied that Biden would go down fast. Our nation owes a great debt of gratitude to Joe Biden and Donald Trump for taking Washington politics and raising it to the level of professional wrestling.
CNN president Jeff Zucker called Fox News a Trump propaganda machine Friday and said Trump’s past infidelity is no joking matter. It’s not? A porn star, an Apprentice contestant and a Playboy Playmate walk into a bar, and the bartender tells them the court house is across the street.
Melania Trump donated an entire collection of Dr. Seuss books to a Massachusetts library last Monday. The librarian sent the books back to her, claiming that Dr. Seuss’s drawings are racist propaganda. The Ivy League just canceled all chess tournaments because white always gets to go first.
CIA former chief John Brennan told CNN viewers that he thinks Russia’s Vladimir Putin may have compromising information on Trump. What could embarrass him at this point? I suppose it could ruin Trump’s image if the word got out that The Apprentice was originally sponsored by Fidelity.
Stormy Daniels will be interviewed tonight by Anderson Cooper on CBS 60 Minutes about her alleged affair with Trump. He’s learned the hard way that L.A. women are NOT made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Sarcasm and alcohol and anger issues and carbs is a lot more accurate.
Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal sued the Enquirer to escape her non-disclosure agreement after they paid her a hundred grand for her affair-with-Trump story. The tabloid killed the story. Donald Trump provides so much entertainment that the Kardashians are now a question on Jeopardy.
President Trump issued a fiery tweet saying Robert Mueller is on a witch hunt, going past his assigned Russia probe parameters. Trump quoted famed attorney Alan Dershowitz who agrees with Trump. Nothing says you’re innocent like an endorsement from O.J. Simpson’s defense attorney.
The House Intelligence Committee voted to end the Russia-Trump probe Thursday after they found no evidence of collusion. Only Republicans voted to end it. Trump and Putin could take the U.S. and Russia to war and the Democrats would still say they’re just covering up what they did to Hillary.
President Trump imposed tariffs on steel and aluminum imports from China and sanctions for intellectual property theft. China’s movie pirating costs Hollywood billions of dollars. When you consider that money would go to the Democrats, you have to admit Trump is nothing if not chivalrous.