Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Tue, March 26

Argus Hamilton: Millennials will unplug life-support to re-charge

God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Realtors Association predicted a real estate boom with the huge Millennial generation entering their thirties, beginning to settle down and get married and buy homes. Of course, no generation is perfect. I love Millennials, but they’d unplug your life-support to re-charge their phones.

New York City hosted a huge St. Patrick’s Day Parade down Fifth Avenue on Saturday which stretched for four miles and lasted six hours. An estimated two million New Yorkers stood along the streets cheering. St. Patrick’s Day is a day where everyone is Irish except the Italians.

NBC News said the attorney for the illegal alien found not guilty of murdering Kate Steinle in San Francisco is suing the U.S. for malicious prosecution. The defendant testified his pants accidentally dropped down to his ankles, his gun fell out and it went off. It’s known in Hollywood as the Weinstein Defense.

The Department of Transportation reported that Southern California has the most congested freeways in the United States. Oddly enough, there are ways around it Los Angeles residents are the only people in the world who purchase those Japanese sex robots just so we can use the carpool lane.

The L.A. Lakers are having Hollywood and tech CEOs speak at players meetings about life and success, but you don’t want to give young men more than they can process. Last weekend during spring training the Kansas City Royals hosted an anti-porn seminar for their players. No one attended.

The Labor Department reported a record number of job openings in the U.S. last month. More job options mean more mobility and higher wages. Trump catches a lot of flak, but I like how the president is trying to give every American citizen a short go at a top job in the Trump Administration.

President Trump replaced Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State with CIA director Mike Pompeo last week. If I were offered a post in the Trump administration, I’d move back to Washington D.C. and accept it because I’m a professional comedian. I know what it’s like to live in a city for one week. President Trump named Larry Kudlow as his new chief economic advisor and water-boarder Gina Aspel to head the CIA. Every administration eventually settles into its own rhythm. Today is Tuesday and that’s the day President Trump spins the dreaded White House Wheel of Unemployment.

The International Labor Organization released a report saying there are forty million people around the world being held in slavery. The U.S. is now free of the slave trade. Congress wrote and passed the Thirteenth Amendment which makes it illegal to buy or sell anyone who’s not in Congress.

Vladimir Putin won re-election in a landside to his fourth term as president of Russia this past weekend. An optimist is anybody who stays up late in Russia to see how the election came out. Putin had to attend sex abstinence meetings during the campaign to keep from colluding with himself.

Barack Obama in a recent speech said Americans are so polarized politically that social media and cable news is allowing everyone to have their own set of facts. He’s right. Today, the only magazine I read is Golf Digest because I don’t like to clutter up my mind with opposing points of view.

The NCAA tournament was rocked on Saturday when the last ranked University of Maryland-Baltimore County upset number-one University of Virginia. It ruined everyone’s bracket picks. We need to round up everybody who picked UMBC to beat Virginia and burn them for being witches.

President Trump noted at the St. Patrick’s Day lunch that the Irish comprise ten percent of the U.S. population. However, until twenty years ago, the Irish were twenty percent of our population. In addition, I’m old enough to remember when wishing people Happy Easter wasn’t a micro-aggression.


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