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Thu, Feb. 21
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Argus Hamilton: Millennials, buy your father some booze

BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Retailers Association forecasted that Americans will spend fifteen billion dollars on Father’s Day gifts. It can’t be undervalued. This is an open plea to Millennials to go to the store Sunday and buy your father a nice, gift-wrapped bottle of booze, because you’re the reason he drinks.

FBI former Director James Comey was dragged over the coals for insubordination during the presidential election in the DOJ Inspector General’s report on Thursday. It’s unfair to compare Comey to the legendary FBI founder J. Edgar Hoover. Those were some mighty high heels to fill.

The World Cup soccer championship got underway in Russia this weekend after an elaborate opening ceremony Friday. Soccer is a sport whose time has definitely arrived in America. Soccer allows you to sit in the stands for three hours and stare at your iPhone without missing any scoring.

President Trump’s Singapore summit trip whipped his supporters and opponents into a frenzy on social media last week. It’s civil war on Facebook now. I can’t wait for Trump to be out of office in six and a half years so we can all go back to hating each other over the football teams we support.

President Trump arrived back into Washington D.C. Wednesday along with other planeloads of reporters following a two-day trip around the world to Singapore and then back. Naturally, there were some logistical problems on the trip. The Left Coast won’t let Sean Hannity back in the country.

FBI Director Chris Wray stood up for his FBI agents Thursday despite partisan e-mails revealed in the IG report. Agents learned three lessons last week. Dance like no one’s watching, text like the text may someday be evidence in U.S. Senate hearings, and never do back flips off the clock.

The DOJ Inspector General released his report on the Clinton e-mail scandal Thursday which did recommend no prosecutions. The reaction in Hollywood was jubilant. Tonya Harding was just signed to star as the former first lady and U.S. presidential nominee in the movie Hillary Skates Again!

The Inspector General’s report exposed e-mails revealing that FBI agent Peter Strzok assured FBI agent Lisa Page that they’d stop Trump from being elected. The two agents were secretly lovers. It’s rumored the FBI is changing its name to the FWB, which stands for Feds with Benefits.

The Inspector General detailed Hillary’s violation of the Espionage Act by doing government work on her home laptop, making it easy for spies to hack. The report literally stated that Hillary was penetrated by a foreign actor, prompting Bill to accuse Hillary of sleeping with Antonio Banderas.

The Trump Charitable Foundation was hit by a lawsuit from the New York Attorney General seeking several million dollars in penalties for allegedy using the Foundation for a campaign event two years ago. It looks pretty bad. The Trump Foundation is accused of being the Clinton Foundation.

U.S. Rep Steve Scalise played in the Congressional baseball game Thursday a year after he was shot by gunman trying to kill Republicans at baseball practice for this game. It hit the House hard that day. Nancy Pelosi immediately went to the microphones and demanded that baseball be outlawed

Walt Disney shut down and sold ABC News headquarters in mid-town Manhattan and moved it downtown into a smaller building. Movie studios are watching the bottom line now. Daily Variety says that California may split into three states but only if the first one does really well at the box office.

California’s petition to partition California into three states got the signatures to make it onto the ballot. If it passes, and Congress refuses to ratify it, it’d pave the way for secession from the union. As a little boy I never thought I’d have to move to West Hollywood to fight for the Confederacy.


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