Originally Published: June 9, 2018 6 a.m.
BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Trump was mocked by this week’s Time magazine cover that depicted the president sitting in front of a mirror and seeing a jeweled crown on his head as if he’s the King of the United States of America. That’s so disrespectful of the office. Trump’s correct title is Orange Julius Caesar.
West Hollywood will host a million LGBT advocates marching in the Gay Pride Parade today along Santa Monica Boulevard. The march is a Blue State ritual in big cities. The Red States generally support the LGBT community, as long as LGBT stands for Liberty, Guns, Beer and Trump.
The Atlantic reports newspapers have returned to subscription-based revenue, not advertising revenue, to thrive. The paper is my daily ritual. Every morning, I open the L.A. Times, turn to the police report, bankruptcies and obituaries, and If I don’t read my name I know I’m off to a great day.
Clint Eastwood’s movie 9:12 to Paris is about the four U.S. military contractors who charged a machine-gun-wielding terrorist on a French train three years ago. They had moved up to the front car because the Wi-Fi was bad in the back. In other words, dozens of lives were saved thanks to porn.
President Trump heads for Singapore Monday to prepare for his peace summit with Kim Jung Un. This past week, Bill Clinton said he regrets missing the chance to end North Korea’s nuclear weapons and missile program when he was president. It looks like this time HE’s the one who blew it.
North Korea’s Kim Jung Un will arrive in Singapore Tuesday for his historic chance to reach a U.S. peace deal. His bargaining position is tenuous. While it’s true that North Korean missiles could hit Los Angeles, they’re not going anywhere in this town until they get head shots and an agent.
Rudy Giuliani nearly torpedoed the Singapore summit Thursday when he boasted that Trump has brought Kim Jung Un to his knees. This explains Trump’s recent claims of his constitutional power. He’s just setting up a situation so he can murder Giuliani and then pardon himself afterwards.
The Miss America Pageant announced Tuesday that it will eliminate the swimsuit competition and the evening gown competition. In two years this pageant is going to be a radio show. Millions of viewers can’t wait to hear contestants tell the judges how they enjoy long walks to the refrigerator.
The Labor Department announced Thursday that for the first time the number of job openings are greater than the number of qualified workers due to full employment. Not everybody is necessarily happy about it. There is a reason birds sing in the morning, they don’t have to go to work.
Bill Clinton painted himself as a hero in the Monica Lewinsky scandal in interviews allowing him to clear the air about his sex misconduct in the Oval Office. What a moment. In a stunning display of solidarity with Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby and Matt Lauer, Bill Clinton said Me, Too.
President Trump joked about the War of 1812 while arguing with Canada’s PM over tariffs on Tuesday. In this unnecessary war New England sided with Britain who burned the White House and freed fifty thousand slaves up the Chesapeake. The U.S. lost the war so badly to this day we call it a tie.
Kim Kardashian lobbied Trump and got a woman’s prison sentence commuted for a first-time drug offense this past week. Now it so happens that Japan needs help getting North Korea to release Japanese hostages they’ve held. If Kim Kardashian can join Trump, Kim Jung Un and Dennis Rodman in Singapore, this isn’t just a peace summit it’s the looniest quartet since the Marx Brothers.