Hamilton: First Lady is MIA
HOLLYWOOD—God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Bill Clinton told the Today Show Monday he paid dearly for the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal 20 years ago. Clinton got angry at the reporter and revealed that the affair with Lewinsky cost him $16 million.
No wonder Stormy Daniels feels so insulted by $130,000.
The Wall Street Journal reported Friday that Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has decided to step down. His leadership brought tremendous success to Starbucks, but he wants to spend more time at home with his family, and anyone else who wanders in off the street to use the bathroom.
Universal announced the October release date for the final Halloween movie featuring a final showdown with the masked killer Michael Myers and the women he’s stalked. As well, MGM is releasing a Halloween movie sure to terrify Millennials. It stars a cell phone with 2 percent power.
Psychology Today published a study seeking to find out the psychology behind why fakes news spreads faster on social media than real news. It’s the titillation and gossipy nature. All I know is that the day Donald Trump was elected president, everybody on Facebook got a psychiatry degree.
The Southern Poverty Law Center said it has removed 110 Confederate monuments over the past year. No hard feelings.
My parents took me to the drive-in to see “Damn Yankees” when I was 6 years old, and I remember I threw a fit when it turned out to be a musical instead of a Civil War movie.
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled for religious freedom Tuesday in a volatile case involving the rights of a store owner who won’t cater same-sex weddings.
The Christian baker announced he won’t whip the frosting either. Once again, Jesus wishes he had a better lawyer.
Trump congratulated himself on his 500th day in office on Monday. He is becoming a shrewd politician.
Trump sewed up South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and Oklahoma in the 2020 election Monday when he pardoned ketchup on scrambled eggs.
The White House refused to comment to reporters’ questions Monday demanding to know why Melania Trump has stopped making public appearances since her hospital procedure. She had not been seen in public in more than four weeks. Wouldn’t it be funny if she ran off with the Mexican gardener?
The Today Show interviewed Clinton for the launch of a new political thriller he co-wrote called “The President is Missing.” Clinton said Trump’s getting away with more than Clinton got away with, which is a silly comparison. Trump’s been accused by women who Clinton could only dream of being accused by.
The White House on Tuesday said Roseanne’s racist tweet was indefensible, despite her attempt to blame Ambien. It was a Baby Boomer learning experience. For 50 years, we’ve known smoking marijuana gives you the munchies, and now we have learned that taking Ambien gives you the Nazi’s.
Trump posed proudly for pictures with Kim Kardashian in the Oval Office last week. Why not? After you’ve been busted with a porn star, what’s a meeting with the female star of the most famous sex tape in the world? Presidential historians are already dubbing it the VD Summit.
Trump disinvited the Philadelphia Eagles to the White House due to their protest of the National Anthem. In 1814, Francis Scott Key set his lyrics to an English bar song as he sat on a British warship and watched a U.S. fort above Baltimore repulse a British naval slave-freeing expedition up the Chesapeake. If NFL players heard this story, they’d stand for Dixie instead.