Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Sat, Aug. 24

Argus Hamilton: Seeking forgiveness for using plastic straw

BEVERLY HILLS — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Episcopal Church and its daughter Methodist Church moved closer to a full communion with a joint committee’s proposal to the each church’s next convention. It’ll be a long confession for me today at All Saints. In addition to my usual weekly sins, last night I drank out of a plastic straw.

The Wall Street Journal reported that social media stocks are under siege due to the practice of shadow banning by Twitter, which blocks conservative tweets. You need a scorecard these days. When President Trump first heard about shadow banning, he immediately denied having sex with her.

President Trump issued a tweet to denounce Twitter Friday for blocking conservative tweets in a practice called shadow banning. Social media stocks are under fire over liberal bias. On Thursday, Facebook stock crashed so hard that when it woke up, Bill Cosby was standing over it in his bathrobe.

A Beijing sperm bank opened that requires all donors to pledge their loyalty to the Communist Party. You can see it coming. First, Democrats kick Trump supporters out of their restaurants to keep them from eating, next they’re going to ban them from sperm banks to keep them from breeding.

Amazon’s facial recognition software which they named Recognition was rolled out and tested for accuracy Wednesday. It identified twenty-eight members of Congress as suspected criminals. However, rather than fix the bug, Amazon is simply going to rebrand the tool and call it Nostradamus.

National Intern Day was celebrated Thursday as college kids who work for House Members, Senators and the White House were honored. They gain valuable experience while working for free. Internships are a loophole created by Baby Boomers to get around the Emancipation Proclamation.

Mike Pence threatened sanctions on Turkey if President Erdowan refuses to release jailed U.S. pastor Andrew Brunson. Our societies have very different perspectives. In Turkey’s movie theaters, the projectionists run Lawrence of Arabia backwards so they wind up with Jerusalem and Damascus.

House Republicans tried to impeach Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein for stonewalling committees seeking to un-redact evidence clearing Trump of collusion. The plot needs Rod in it. Without the possibility of treason in our daily soap opera, the Democrats are just trying to impeach Hugh Hefner.

President Trump gave twelve billion dollars in subsidies to farmers to make up for the loss of the China market due to the recent tariffs he imposed. What do soybean farmers have in common with Stormy Daniels? They are both being paid to keep quiet after being screwed by President Trump.

Harvard University’s chapter of the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority agreed to go gender-neutral and pledge boys and well as girls. Leave it to Harvard to attempt to neuter the nation’s nobility. If they try to do this in the South, Trump will have to move to Richmond if he wants to remain president.

New Zealand’s Parliament became the first Western legislature in the world Thursday to pass a law granting fully-paid leave for victims of domestic violence. The nation is determined to stamp it out. That pretty much ends Wellington’s or Auckland’s chances of ever landing an NFL franchise.

Lamar Odom announced he’s leaving life in L.A. to go to work for an entertainment company in China. Recently the L.A. Times said Lamar’s longtime friend and barber in South Central Los Angeles was arrested for dealing drugs and Lamar was shocked. He had no idea the guy was a barber.

The San Jose Mercury News reports the winning ticket in the Mega Million Dollar jackpot is in San Jose. The winning ticket is worth five hundred twenty-two million dollars. It’s a tradition that when a Californian wins a huge lottery jackpot, they go back to Mexico and then migrate here legally.

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