Argus Hamilton: George Washington, the father of Spring Break
Beverly Hills — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?
George Washington’s Mount Vernon plantation will host a ceremony honoring the Founding Father’s life on President’s Day. That’s where he grew tobacco, distilled whiskey, brewed beer and grew hemp. Young people in the Colonies considered George Washington the Father of Spring Break.
President Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen said he paid porn star Stormy Daniels one hundred forty grand to keep quiet about a fling with Trump. It gets worse. Another elite athlete’s coach has been accused of sexual misconduct with his athlete, this time it was at the Westminster Dog Show.
The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show was won by a Bichon Frise named Win Like Flynn at Madison Square Garden. A lot of the glamour is gone from the event. This year, pressure from feminists forced the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show to eliminate the swimsuit competition.
LeBron James and Kevin Durant aired a video in which they ripped President Trump, saying he doesn’t care about people. The video ignited a bitter storm of angry name-calling on social media by partisans of both sides. Everyone in America would be a millionaire if only being offended paid better.
The Winter Olympic Games in South Korea suffered from poor TV ratings on NBC during the first week of competition. Some critics blame the eighteen hour U.S.-Korean time difference. I like watching the Winter Olympics because it seems like many of the sports were invented by drunk people.
The Olympic Winter Games in South Korea produced few new American stars so far. However the medal count is misleading. U.S. Olympians may be throwing events to avoid the spotlight of fame and being accused of sex misconduct by former girlfriends who suddenly remember everything.
The Pentagon fielded reports saying U.S. and Russian mercenaries were firing on each other in Syria Monday. It involves a five-sided civil war with Syria, Russia, ISIS, Turkey and Kurds. Syria just offered to take in ten thousand U.S. students until the violence subsides in American high schools.
President Trump declared he’ll meet with governors and state attorneys general to take action to protect schools. Here’s an idea. Perhaps the same school rule should apply to guns that apply to gum, that you’re not allowed to bring a gun to class unless you brought enough guns for everybody.
Psychology Today forecast a future of trauma for kids who feel endangered at schools. Student trauma is not new. Baby Boomer children had to jump under the desk in case the Soviets attacked us with nuclear weapons, but the only thing that exploded was AA’s population when we all hit thirty.
Conde Nast travel magazine reports that foreign tourism to the U.S. is dropping off in the wake of recent events. We keep you on your toes. In America, if you’re bored at school, you can always go to a nightclub, and if nightclubs aren’t your thing, then you can always enjoy an open-air concert.
London City Airport was shut down when an unexploded bomb that had been dropped by Nazi Germany aircraft during the World War II was discovered. The Third Reich never really went away. Today the New Oxford Dictionary defines Nazi as anyone who disagrees with you on Facebook.
Mitt Romney announced he will run for the U.S. Senate seat in Utah which is being vacated by Republican Orrin Hatch. There’s no reason why he can’t win. In Utah, Mitt is not considered a carpetbagger because he lives in La Jolla since every Mormon in Utah owns a time share in La Jolla.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.