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Thu, Oct. 17

Hamilton: ‘Didn’t even know the Monkees worked for the FBI’

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The FBI fired agent Peter Stzrok in the wake of the investigation into his partisan behavior in 2016 while he was investigating both Hillary and Trump. It’s an eye-opener. When I first heard that the FBI fired Peter Stzrok, my first reaction was, I didn’t even know the Monkees worked for the FBI.

The West Hollywood City Council just voted to urge the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce to get rid of Trump’s star on the Walk of Fame for good. It never lets up. An actor friend of mine just changed his name from Donald to Adolf in order to improve his chance of getting hired in Hollywood.

The London Daily Mail reported Monday that James Bond producers have decided not to cast the black actor Idris Elba as James Bond in the next movie. It turned out to be impractical. That movie will be set in L.A. and he couldn’t drive an Aston Martin 50 yards without getting pulled over.

NBC’s Apprentice star Omarosa Manigault is doing the talk shows promoting her new tell-all book that says she secretly tape recorded conversations in the White House. Omarosa just signed to executive produce and direct a new comedy for Netflix. It’s called Black is the New Orange Basher.

Omarosa’s book is ripping Trump for firing her from the White House after he fired her three times on The Apprentice. Anyone who’s been hired and fired by the same boss four times ought to be writing a book about salesmanship. Omarosa has been fired more times than a Civil War cannon.

Omarosa Manigault claimed she’d heard a tape of Donald Trump using the N-word three years ago while shooting The Apprentice. You can’t beat reality shows for earthy entertainment. On Monday, Stormy Daniels agreed to be on Celebrity Big Brother, and she had no idea it’s a TV show.

Spike Lee’s movie “Black Klansman” came out Friday to the usual media adulation. Every time one of his movies gets released, the PC police go on the warpath. Nowadays, if you have a black iPhone and you are always telling Siri what to do, you are basically saying you are OK with slavery.

The L.A. Times released a study saying that church attendance is at an all-time low in Southern California. On the way home from church Sunday, I wore a suit into the grocery store and the manager gave me a big smile, said hello, and shook my hand. He thought I was from the home office.

President Trump flew to Fort Drum in New York Monday to sign the $719 defense bill into law. It funds U.S. troop operations worldwide. We are a country that produces citizens, who’ll cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote.

The Pentagon’s new $719 billion budget includes a pile of money for Viagra pill prescriptions for U.S. soldiers. We should also include money in the defense budget for Cialis pills so we can invade whenever the mood is right.

The FBI fired agent Peter Strzok, whose lawyer asserted that his client was fired for expressing his political beliefs about Hillary and Trump. Technically, Strzok did not lie to Congress when he said under oath he did not once let his political beliefs affect his investigations. He did it all the time.

Nancy Pelosi ripped NBC News, accusing NBC of trying to undermine her as House Minority Leader with NBC’s news slant, and that’s the GOP’s job. The Republicans have used the specter of Nancy Pelosi in TV commercials over the last eight years to win the House and the Senate and the White House. This fall, the GOP ads will say that only an absolute monarch can save us from Nancy Pelosi.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at

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