Originally Published: August 7, 2018 5:07 p.m.
God Bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Trump is taking a few weeks off on a golf vacation at his Trump National Golf Club which he owns in Bedminster, New Jersey. A few years ago, Trump revealed future plans to build a cemetery for himself alongside the 18th fairway there. That’s one sure way to finish six-under.
Facebook angered free speech advocates and conservatives by taking down Alex Jones’s page due to what FB deemed to be objectionable content. They can’t please everybody. Facebook is soon starting a dating app that has Californians upset because they only allow users to choose five genders.
California Gov. Jerry Brown declared that this summer is the hottest summer on the West Coast in over 10,000 years. The desert breezes set high temperature records in California for July. It’s so hot in Los Angeles that Democrats are waiting until after the midterms to abolish ICE.
Roseanne Barr gave interviews apologizing for her racist tweet and asking America to forgive her. It takes time to repair your public image. President Trump announced on Sunday he gave his $400,000 salary to charity, but out of habit he denied having an affair with her.
Stormy Daniels confirmed Monday she is planning to embark on a working tour of Australian strip bars this fall. That leaves just one question on all our minds. Do strippers in the southern hemisphere spin around poles in the opposite direction that strippers in the northern hemisphere do?
West Hollywood City Council urged the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce to remove Trump’s star from the Walk of Fame, citing his treatment of women. That’s silly. Remove every womanizer’s star and the Hollywood Walk of Fame would consist of 2,000 actresses, Liberace and Lassie.
Daily Variety broke the news Monday that Russia’s Foreign Ministry appointed Steven Seagal to be Ambassador of Russian-American Ties. You can’t make it up. Leave it to the Russians to send a message by naming someone who’s famous for killing people to be their ambassador of peace.
Special Counsel Robert Mueller had to sigh at the news that Moscow named Hollywood action star Steven Seagal to be Russia’s special envoy to the United States. Just imagine all the work this is going to cause. Now Mueller has to investigate dozens of Democrats for co-starring with the Russians.
The White House caused trade tensions with our European allies Monday by slapping heavy sanctions on Iran. We already slapped sanctions on Russia and we’ve slapped sanctions on North Korea. If nothing else Trump is teaching the women at CBS how to avoid expensive MeToo legal fees.
President Trump vowed to shut down the government if Congress doesn’t fund the border wall in September. Right now the border is stacked up with refugees. People are fleeing gang violence on the streets and no police protection and those are just the snowbirds from Chicago trying to get out.
Chicago made the news Monday after 72 people were shot over the weekend with ten of them dead and sixty-two wounded. It’s the Wild West. Hollywood should remake the classic Western Stagecoach, only this time it’s a Popsicle truck in Chicago trying to make it to the North Side.
Venezuelan dictator Maduro stood up bravely to an exploding drone bomb onstage during an outdoor speech to the army Sunday while the 10,000 solders he was addressing hilariously ran like hell for safety. It looked like the French Army was conducting war games. I keep waiting for the TV announcer to step in and say that Venezuela’s army can’t save their dictator but Geiko can save you 15 percent on car insurance.