Originally Published: September 18, 2017 6 a.m.
Have you read any good headlines lately? If you want a good chuckle, just pick up a few newspapers or magazines.
“Lingerie Shipment Hijacked — Thief Gives Police the Slip” appeared in a New Jersey paper.
“Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped” was the naughty header in a Long Beach magazine.
What was the Los Angeles Times thinking when it prints, “Autos Killing Over One Hundred A Day — We Can Do Better!”
Hey, I loved the headline, “Private Water Company Keeps Residents Thirsty for Truth.”
“Women’s Movement Has Become More Broad-Based” might have been a slip-of-the-tongue. But surely the Italian newspaper that had a headline, “Prostitutes Appeal Strongly to the Pope” was going to have a lot of explaining to do.
A financial journal wrote that “Diaper Market Has Bottomed-Out” and a medical journal’s header was, “Gunshot Victim at Death’s Door, But Surgeons Pull Him Through.” Gee, I hope not.
I also love bumper stickers. It makes driving more entertaining. I waved at the woman who had a bumper sticker saying, “CAUTION, Driver Legally Blond.”
A man sitting in traffic on I-17 had “Boldly Going Nowhere” on the back of his truck. A lady driving in a black Mercedes talking on her cellphone had a bumper sticker that said, “Don’t interrupt my phone call with your honking, turning, stopping or going. I need to concentrate!”
If you drive around our rural communities, all kinds of interesting road signs appear. You could find out about yoga, welding, tax preparation, childcare, weed removal, excavation, hay, tutoring, saddle repair, doggy daycare, and trim carpenters.
These are all handmade signs! I especially like the one that reads, “Mule 4 Sale (not too smart but sturdy).”
I saw a sign outside a house that read, “Wife is Mad & Selling All Man Tools.” Hmm ... now that’s marketing.
Road signs that have been installed by ADOT can be creepy, “Watch for Falling Rock” signs are posted on mountainous roads, and are nothing more than anxiety-producing reminders of lurking danger. Is this supposed to somehow make us more cautious? Yikes, are we to take our eyes off the road and start looking up at rocks?
I love the sign near my house that reads, “If you think you can run across this property in 10 seconds — don’t. My bull can do it nine.” This homeowner has few problems with trespassers.
Outside a church in Florida, after Hurricane Irma, a sign was posted that read, “We Have No Power.” Someone scrawled in black paint underneath, “But God Does.”
That says it all. So, until next week, this is Judy Bluhm — “signing off.”
Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local Realtor. Have a story or a comment? Email Judy at firstname.lastname@example.org.