Dear Annie: Mother-daughter feud puts grandma in middle
Dear Annie: Last summer, my granddaughter “Emily” got married. Her mother, “Angie” (my daughter), lives in the same town as Emily and said I could stay with her while I was in town. About a week before the wedding, Angie and Emily had a big falling-out. Emily told me she wasn’t allowing Angie to come to the wedding.
I talked to Emily for a long time and persuaded her to let her mother and stepfather attend the wedding. On the day of the wedding, we were not seated where the bride’s family was supposed to sit. We had to sit a row back, as a symbolic gesture. Then my granddaughter had the best man come and get me and take me back to the dressing room. She asked me whether I would sit in the family section. We discussed this for a while, and I finally said OK. I was taken back into the chapel and seated in the front row, in front of my daughter and the rest of the family.
When the service was over, Angie and her husband were not allowed to go to the reception, so I didn’t go, either. When we got back to Angie’s home, she wouldn’t even talk to me. My son-in-law told me it would probably be better if I went and spent the night elsewhere. I tried to explain why I had sat where I did, but Angie wouldn’t even listen to anything I said. She has not spoken to me or answered any letters I have sent her since. I’ve apologized many times, but she refuses to talk.
I love my daughter very much, but I also love my granddaughter. I was trying to do what I thought was right by them both. My granddaughter talks to me all the time, but my daughter won’t have anything to do with me.
How can this be resolved so that my daughter and I can be on good terms again? I am 79 years old, and my daughter is 60. — Heartbroken Mother and Grandmother
Dear Heartbroken Mother and Grandmother: You didn’t cause this problem, and you can’t fix it. It can be resolved only when your daughter decides to stop being vindictive. She is using you as an emotional punching bag because of the issues she’s having with her own daughter.
What you’ve done so far — explaining your side of the story, expressing your love — is more than enough. Now all you can do is hope she drops the attitude. In the meantime, do keep up your relationship with your granddaughter, but be careful that she’s not using you to upset her mom. Don’t be a pawn in this petty game.
Dear Annie: I have read many stories in your column of people going through divorce or dealing with the fallout. There is an organization called DivorceCare, which offers help for these people to heal from their pain. I’ve been there. I know it works. People need to give it a chance. You can find classes by going to https://www.divorcecare.org. — Single Again
Dear Single Again: I’m sure some of my readers reeling from the pain of divorce will appreciate this tip. Thank you.
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