Dear Rhonda & Dr. Cheri: No one is born to be a loser
Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,
My big sister just told me I was born to be a loser and it’s time I become brutally honest with myself. She said I’m lazy and so is mom.
Well, she has my dad’s selfish genes.
She said mom lied to us when she said we’re special.
She told me to stop being a martyr.
I’m lonely and miserable. All I do is watch TV and eat with my mom. I can’t get a job and I still live at home. I’m 28!
My sister gets money from her boyfriend. I can’t get a boyfriend.
I’m not on social media anymore because I hate myself. I feel like, “once a loser, always a loser.”
Signed, Always a loser
No one was born to be a loser! That includes you. And, honesty has nothing to do with being brutal.
Have you ever looked at a baby smile, for no apparent reason? Or laugh, when sunlight came into her room. Or watched her bounce up and down in her crib, just because you walked into her room?
We are indeed born special, simply because we came from God. He doesn’t send “losers” to earth. That would be mean and pointless.
God also didn’t give you a bunch of loser “genes.” He gave you your free will to choose who you want to be. You may choose to use all the talents you have, all the virtues you want, and all the values needed to make your life purposeful.
Choose not to be selfish. A selfish person can’t share, can’t care, can’t use their creativity to give back.
Everyone is born with creativity. We start by creating thoughts. You can create any thought you want and that will start you on the path of being a winner.
Giving back starts relationships and stops loneliness. Being a martyr means suffering for a good cause or it means being a willing victim.
Suffering for a good cause is the ultimate act of being unselfish. Being a willing victim isn’t genuine suffering and counts for nothing.
Here’s how you fix it:
Accept responsibility. Find your talents and get a job or go to school to develop them. No excuses.
Admit your weaknesses. Correct them. No excuses.
Do something with your “special-ness.” No excuses.
Develop a good work ethic. No excuses.
Develop yourself and relationships will come.
Signed, Rhonda and Dr. Cheri
Rhonda Orr is the president and founder of the Prescott-based Rhonda’s STOP BULLYING Foundation. Dr. Cheri L. McDonald, PhD, LMFT, is a crime-victim specialist. Send your anonymous questions to Rhonda@rhondastopbullying.org. Find out more about Rhonda’s STOP BULLYING Foundation at www. rhondastopbullying.org.