Originally Published: December 18, 2017 6 a.m.
I have been wrestling with Santa and it wasn’t a pretty picture. ’Tis the season to be jolly, but sometimes decorating can turn into something slightly less cheery.
My daughter, Tammy, has a life-size Santa that sings and dances. Sadly, he was stuck and his legs wouldn’t pull-out, so we stood outside and in tug-of-war fashion, grabbed on and yanked at either end.
When that didn’t work, I had to take Santa by the neck and shake him. Many children in the neighborhood were terrified by what they had witnessed.
Oh heck, holidays are for decorating. Break out the boxes, start stringing lights, hang the wreaths, and be prepared to rumble with Santa.
Dear readers, be careful, since evidently lots of folks fall off of ladders this time of year. Juggling angels on treetops while balancing precariously on a ladder is one way to get to heaven fast. Try to avoid this!
Hospital data shows that approximately 14,000 Americans injure themselves around the holidays by falling off ladders! Most common causes? Stringing lights on the roof (don’t do it) and placing the angel or star on top of the tree! Many of these injuries are serious, so please be careful. Nothing worse than a broken arm while trying to cook Christmas dinner!
A few people will go completely overboard this season, lighting up their homes and yards like a spaceship has landed, illuminating everything and annoying everyone around them. How many times can you hear, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” without going bonkers? Hey, isn’t this the time of year we’re supposed to be thoughtful of our neighbors? You know, no loud music blaring and bright lights keeping others awake at night.
A colleague of mine (name withheld for obvious reasons) claimed that she was so stressed out last year with decorating, that she took an ax (literally) to her live tree when it wouldn’t stand up straight in the tree stand. Evidently her children watched with horror as mom “cut the lousy tree into tiny little pieces” right in her living room. Of course, these kids will be in need of psychotherapy later on in life, but at the time they all shrugged it off as a “bad choice of trees.”
That’s what artificial trees are for! They are balanced (unlike my friend) and require no ax! We all need to take it easy, keep it simple, and try to remember why we are going to all this trouble in the first place.
It’s the greatest Season of All! So spike the eggnog and get up on a ladder.
Oops, no I meant to say spike the eggnog and watch a husband get on the ladder. Keep all axes locked up! Joy is in the decorating . . . and may it light up your world!
Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local Realtor. Have a story or a comment? Email Judy at firstname.lastname@example.org.