Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Mon, July 22

Argus Hamilton: Roy Moore fails to see ‘Me, Too’ sticker on horse

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Alabama’s Judge Roy Moore claimed voter fraud in his narrow Senate race loss Tuesday and demanded a recount. On election morning, TV cameras showed the judge riding his horse, a mare named Sassy, to the polling place. He obviously didn’t see the Me, Too sticker on the horse’s rear end.

NASA released satellite photos Thursday that showed the effects of the drought on California that ended last year. They showed lack of water caused the mountains to rise up and grow one extra inch. On hearing the news, every sex harasser in Hollywood and Washington gave up water for good.

Selma Hayek accused Harvey Weinstein of past sexual misconduct Friday and PBS host Tavis Smiley, Larry King, Dustin Hoffman and producer Russell Simmons were also publicly named by ladies. The casualty list is growing daily. I was never happier that I never made it big in this business.

A USA Today editorial ripped into President Trump Thursday declaring that the president is unfit to clean the toilets at the Obama Presidential Library. The left just won’t let up. Every time Donald Trump’s name is mentioned on a CNN newscast, the studio organist plays a C-Minor chord.

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly fired Apprentice star Omarosa Manigault Wednesday resulting in much screaming and shouting. It could be seen as a cost-saving measure. Amarosa’s firing saves five hundred White House staffers the expense of purchasing a Kwanzaa card next week.

The Senate and House conferees headed toward the finish line on both tax cuts and a budget Thursday. The DC lobbyists ran wild in the U.S. Capitol, inducing lawmakers to tack on their pet items. Congress wrote the 13th Amendment to make it illegal to buy anybody who is not in Congress.

Alabama GOP Senate candidate Judge Roy Moore’s chances were not helped on Election Day when a Vietnam War buddy recounted Roy running out of a Saigon club when he learned it was a brothel. What’s the big deal? It is not uncommon for comedians to experience performance anxiety.

Alabama’s Secretary of State said he must count military mail-in votes before knowing if Doug Jones’s victory margin is close enough to merit an automatic recount. Roy Moore insisted he’ll win any recount. What do you expect from a guy who convinced himself fourteen is the same as eighteen?

The FCC on Thursday voted out the Obama-era net neutrality rules that regulated broadband like the phone company. The Internet has taught us all one thing. Teach a Nigerian to fish and he’ll eat for a day, but teach him to phish, and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing everyone.

Rupert Murdoch sold Disney 21st Century Fox studio and his cable and online entertainment platforms Tuesday but he’ll keep Fox News, Fox Network, Fox Sports and Fox Business. Disney paid Rupert thirty-two billion dollars. It’s the same price that Disneyland charges for a family of four.

President Trump stood by a ten foot pile of typewriter paper full of government regulations on Thursday to show what he’s trying to eliminate. Enduring the bureaucrats is brutal. Government regulators are like my Christmas lights, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t that bright.

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