Originally Published: November 12, 2016 5:59 a.m.
BEVERLY HILLS – God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama gave a first class speech to reporters Wednesday in which he congratulated Donald Trump and vowed to do everything he can to help him be successful. The next day he met with Trump at the White House for a private lunch. It was just the two of them and their food tasters.
Donald Trump flew to Washington Thursday for meetings at the White House and on Capitol Hill. His win was impressive. Pollsters could point out that Donald Trump’s margin of victory would’ve been much higher Tuesday if so many white men hadn’t killed each other in the Civil War.
Fox News reported that former President Bill Clinton telephoned Donald Trump on Thursday to give him his best wishes for a successful presidency. Bill praised Trump on the phone for his assessment of America’s mood. Bill called from his front yard where he was picking up all his clothes.
Hillary Clinton addressed reporters at her New York hotel Wednesday and she gave a gracious concession speech to America. It was a valedictory message that seemed heartfelt and emotional. Most movingly, she urged little girls to dream big and to never open any messages from Carlos Danger.
Hillary Clinton returned home Thursday to await her fate in Congress over its e-mail probe. Nothing is likely to happen. The best guess is, Hillary will be pardoned by Obama in exchange for a fifty-five-year-old document that she obtained from the British Colonial Office eight years ago.
The White House press secretary left the door open Thursday for a possible pardon of Hillary Clinton for any charges that could arise from her e-mail scandal or the Clinton Foundation donations. Millions of couples have His and Her towels. The Clintons have Impeached and Pardoned.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Thursday he’s not sure what effect Donald Trump’s election will have on the NFL. He didn’t think it through. Goodell did note that Trump is in favor of fewer regulations, which is really bad news if you’re a quarterback standing in the pocket.
Donald Trump won the presidential election Tuesday by putting together a novel coalition of voter support never before seen. Pollsters say Donald Trump did surprisingly well with Hispanics, with working women and with middle-class voters. This gives him four years to win over Republicans.
Hollywood went into official mourning over Hillary’s loss on Tuesday. Some stars saw it coming. While Chelsea Handler vowed to move to Spain, Bryan Cranston vowed to move to Canada and Streisand vowed to move to Australia if Trump won, George Clooney vowed to move to the office across the hall.
Donald Trump called Prime Minister Theresa May Thursday to render his commitment to the U.S.-British Special Relationship. We share blood, history, and values. In four centuries we’ve gone from wooden shafts to steel shafts to graphite shafts and at last the par-fives are now reachable in two.
Donald and Melania Trump’s son Barron Trump stood by his father at Tuesday’s victory rally late Tuesday night when the president-elect gave his victory speech at the New York Hilton. He looked remarkably composed for a ten-year-old boy. If I was Barron Trump, I’d still be breast feeding.
Paul Ryan hosted Donald Trump at the Capitol Thursday where they planned passage of new legislation. They may require amendments. If California, Oregon and Washington secede from the Union, the wall is going to have to make a sharp right at Yuma and head north for two thousand miles.
The South China Post reported on Wednesday that Chinese military physicists have recently created a laser beam that’s so powerful that when the laser is aimed into the sky, it can create an artificial star. That’s nothing. Here in Southern California, Kris Jenner has created six of them.