Annie's Mailbox: Hoarder daughter needs serious help
EDITOR’S NOTE: Starting July 3, “Dear Annie” will replace “Annie’s Mailbox.” Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar are retiring.
Dear Annie: My 55-year-old daughter is a hoarder. She cannot pick up her clothes or keep them in order. She lives in two bedrooms in our mobile home and they are both a complete mess. Lately, it’s been so difficult for her to get into her rooms that she has started sleeping on the couch. She picks clothes off of the floor to wear. (She’s been doing that her entire life.)
In the past, I have cleaned up her room, but it isn’t long before it’s a complete mess again. Right now, it’s overwhelming. Please help. – Mom of a Hoarder
Dear Mom: Why does your 55-year-old daughter live with you? Does she not have a job? Is there a history of mental illness that makes her incapable of living on her own?
Hoarding is a serious problem, especially when it means your daughter can no longer enter her rooms because the clutter is piled so high. Please contact the International OCD Foundation (iocdf.org) for information on hoarding and perhaps some referrals for therapists who may be able to help.
Dear Annie: I am tired of women using menopause as an excuse not to be intimate with their husbands. Marrying someone includes a commitment, and sex is part of that commitment. I don’t understand women who think they can just say, “We’re not going to have sex anymore.”
I am a 63-year-old woman and a breast cancer survivor. Yes, intercourse can be extremely painful, but why does everyone think that sex has to be intercourse? There are other ways to satisfy your partner that don’t involve anything painful. I am sure most of these sex-starved men would be deliriously happy with the alternatives.
If you love someone, you work on it. Instead, these women decide they’re no longer interested, so their husbands shouldn’t be interested, either. And then we wonder why men stray. We vilify men for wanting something that’s a natural function of being human. I don’t believe women should kowtow to men. I simply think that in a marriage, love should trump excuses for putting yourself first. – Austin, Texas
Dear Austin: We agree – although some of our female readers will not. But we’ve said it many times. Marriage is a partnership. You cannot make a unilateral decision that affects the other partner negatively and not expect repercussions.
According to our mail, most of the men who are unhappy with their sex lives aren’t looking to stray. They love their wives and want to show that love in a physical way. And they want their wives to love them enough to be physical, as well. This is how they demonstrate their affection.
Intimacy is not all about sex, and sex is not all about intercourse. It is important to make the effort, whatever the result, and be willing to discuss what can be done to make both partners reasonably happy. This usually requires compromise, something that seems to be in short supply these days.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.