Dear Annie: Differing tastes
Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing this woman, “Becky,” for six months or so. We met through a mentorship program for underprivileged teens. She’s a lawyer and incredibly smart. I write for a music magazine. We have a great time together.
But – and I know this is going to make me sound like a jerk – I can’t get over her terrible taste in movies, music and TV shows. I don’t own a television, and I only dedicate precious free time to critically acclaimed shows. She watches, you guessed it, reality TV.
We have tried taking turns picking out movies to watch, but I’m miserable watching rom-coms, and she’s miserable watching the heavy films I pick out. It doesn’t seem like a good time for either of us.
I collect vinyl and enjoy discovering new music from independent artists (which is part of my job, after all). She listens to pop stuff that might as well be nails on a chalkboard to me.
Annie, what do you think? Can we ever make this work? – Dinner and Definitely Not a Movie
Dear Not a Movie: Opposites attract for good reason. Sure, you might drive each other a little nuts – but would you really want to date someone exactly like you? Taste is fleeting. The important thing is that you hold similar values. It sounds as if you two share common ground there, where it counts.
Keep an open mind (no snobbery), and encourage her to do the same. Who knows? You might find something profoundly liberating about shaking it off to some Taylor Swift, and your girlfriend might love crying her heart out to a Sundance selection. You can learn from each other. And a bonus: You’ll never have to worry about her stealing your records.
Dear Annie: I just wanted to reply to “Still Crying,” whose nephew adopted his wife’s son and then had the child taken from him by the wife when she left him for another man: Never give up. If the nephew wants to have time with his son, he should fight for it. He shouldn’t give up just because the mother lied; that is not his fault. If he tries hard enough, he will get visitations with his son.
Kids do have rights. He should ask for a family case study. He should not listen when people tell him that he has no chance. Trust me; I know from firsthand experience that it is possible.
When I married my husband, I became stepmother to his two children. My stepson was 12 1/2 months old, and my daughter was almost 3. Their father and I were together for five
years. When we got divorced, he took off with the kids.
I went to a lawyer, who told me that he would take the case but I would most likely lose. But I did not. I got my visitations that I wanted. Then I filed for custody. My lawyer asked for a family case study, which was granted, and the kids were given a lawyer of their own. The kids’ lawyer spoke with them alone; no parents allowed. And to everyone’s shock, including mine, I won full custody of my two stepchildren.
My son, the youngest, just turned 40. I am always so glad I fought. What that mother “Still Crying” described is doing to her child is a rotten thing to do to any child. So if the nephew loves that child, he should try again. He should tell the court he adopted his son in good faith and fell in love with him. And he should make sure he does not play the mother’s game. He should never say anything bad about her in front of the little guy. – Judy R.
Dear Judy: Thank you for sharing your story. I think it will provide hope to many parents who are in the same sad situation you were once in.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.