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7:23 PM Thu, Sept. 20th

Column: Pope raises CNN from the dead

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD-God Bless America, and how's everybody?

Donald Trump said Tuesday he will boycott going on Fox News, citing unfair treatment, and just do CNN shows. Last week he drew huge ratings on the Tonight Show, then this week he gave Colbert his highest ratings. The pope wasn't in America one day and already CNN's been raised from the dead.

Pope Francis was gracious at a White House reception in honor of the pope's visit to the United States on Wednesday, which was attended by fifteen thousand people. The pope remarked how excited he was to be in Washington D.C. for the first time in his life. Until now, he

had only read about purgatory.

Pope Francis addressed a joint session of Congress in the U.S. Capitol on Thursday. Both parties gave him a standing ovation. Democrats love Pope Francis because he backs illegal immigration and climate change and Republicans love him because he shut down the U.S. government for three days.

U.S. bishops gathered in Washington D.C. Wednesday to receive mass from Pope Francis that was televised. They were all dressed in white robes, white capes and white pointed hats. They looked so oddly like a Klan meeting that casual viewers just assumed the pope had crossed the river into Virginia.

Pope Francis preached a pro-life sermon in Washington D.C. Wednesday but the church remains adamantly opposed to in-vitro fertilization. The logic is a bit tricky. The Catholic Church forbids the use of surrogate mothers but the Vatican feels it would be too much

paperwork to excommunicate Mary.