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2:51 AM Mon, Sept. 24th

Column: Sheen hears speech about Trump, gives up cocaine

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS - God Bless America, and how's everybody?

Louisiana Governor and GOP candidate Bobby Jindal gave a speech at the National Press Club Thursday and called Donald Trump a narcissist and an egomaniac and compared Trump to Charlie Sheen. It aired live on all the cable news channels. Charlie Sheen saw the speech and gave up cocaine.

Los Angeles sweltered in a week of one-hundred-degree temperatures Friday combined with the high humidity generated by the approaching El Nino offshore. A heat warning was issued. The National Weather Service is strongly advising Southern Californians to consider living somewhere else.

Tennessee seventh-grade kids were ordered by teachers Friday to memorize a Muslim prayer that Allah is the only God and that Mohammed is his prophet. Their parents were mortified. This was no time to anger the gods of Tennessee college football with Oklahoma coming to Knoxville on Saturday.

The NFL season kicked off with the telecast of the New England-Pittsburgh game Thursday on NBC. The league is trying to appear socially responsible. During halftime, the NFL aired a very powerful anti-drug message ad, scheduled right between the seventh and eighth Budweiser commercial.

New England Patriots star Tom Brady gave an interview to a Boston radio station Wednesday in which he was asked to clarify his personal friendship with Donald Trump. The quarterback said he won't say who he supports for president but he loves Donald Trump. He loves anything that releases air.

Donald Trump expanded his lead over GOP presidential rivals in Thursday's nationwide CNN poll while socialist Bernie Sanders led in Iowa. The electorate is in a nasty mood toward familiar politicians. Mike Huckabee volunteered to go to jail on Saturday and he gained three points in the polls.

GOP candidate Dr. Ben Carson spoke in Anaheim Wednesday and accused Donald Trump of being divisive. Being in politics is like being under arrest, anything you say can be used against you. Dr. Ben Carson is the first doctor in history to separate conjoined twins, so if anyone's divisive it's him.

Donald Trump was raked over the coals by the female anchors and commentators on Fox News Thursday after he disparaged Carly Fiorina over her looks in a Rolling Stone interview. Their outrage carries great weight. They were all hired by Fox News with the Miss USA sash still over their shoulders.

Hillary Clinton's doctor reported that Hillary is healthy and fit to be president of the U.S. Two years ago, she suffered a brain clot when she fell and hit her head on Bill's desk at home. It's made out of oak from an eighteenth-century British warship which once saw action against the French maid.

Secretary of State John Kerry called the Kremlin Thursday to protest Russia's building military bases in Syria. Last year he failed to keep the Russians out of Ukraine and this year he negotiated the Iran nuclear deal. The day Secretary of State John Kerry solves a foreign crisis, it'll be one in a row.

President Obama traveled to Michigan Thursday to give a campus speech promoting his new proposal to help make college education more affordable. The state could use some good news. The economy is so bad in Detroit that the Motor City Casino just converted itself into an Indian reservation.

Modern Health published a U.S. government study Thursday saying the elimination of trans-fats in foods has reduced the number of heart disease deaths. It's welcome news. However, the study went largely unnoticed in L.A. where most people think trans-fat is Caitlyn Jenner's greatest fear as a woman.

House Republicans plan to cite President Obama for not following the Corker Bill and keeping Congress informed on Iran nuclear negotiation details before the U.S. could lift sanctions. It appears the president broke the law. So much for First Tee's claim that golf teaches you to play life by the rules.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.