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Tue, May 21

Column: Trump's deportation policy already failing

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS - God Bless America, and how's everybody?

Donald Trump was badgered by Spanish language TV reporter Jorge Ramos over his Mexican deportation proposals at his Iowa press conference last week. Trump nodded for security to kick him out of the room, but five minutes later he was back. Already, Trump's deportation policy isn't working.

Joe Biden surged to eighty-three percent approval among Democrats in Thursday's Quinnipiac poll while Donald Trump leads the GOP race by a huge margin. And then the poll gets interesting. If the choice for president is Joe Biden and Donald Trump, the overwhelming favorite is Queen Elizabeth.

U.S. federal judge David Doty will decide this week if Commissioner Roger Goodell violated the NFL labor deal in disciplining players. It's a tricky constitutional question of labor rights versus a commissioner's power. Out of habit the NFL Players Union told the judge that the sex was consensual.

Apple announced it will unveil its new-generation iPhone at a media event after Labor Day. The technology on the device is state-of-the art. The iPhone is rumored to use facial recognition ID to guarantee privacy, and if you live in Los Angeles, the iPhone can store up to six of your previous faces.

Donald Trump rejected the endorsement of former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke Thursday saying the Ku Klux Klan and their practices have no place in his campaign. For some reason, people are intimidated by men who wear robes. Judges wear robes, priests wear robes, Bill Cosby wears a robe.

Josh Duggar announced Thursday he's checking into an alcohol and drug rehab facility, saying his life is out of control. His evangelical fans are devastated. It turns out that Josh Duggar believes that marriage is between one man and one woman, and his sister, and that chick from Ashley Madison.

The Pentagon sent U.S. warplanes to Poland this week to counter any Russian military movement toward Eastern Europe. There's no question that we live in a dangerous world. Everyone is trying to wrap their head around the fact that within eighteen months Donald Trump may have nuclear weapons.

George W. Bush couldn't be in New Orleans Thursday to commemorate the tenth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. He had to host an emergency fundraiser in New York for Jeb's presidential campaign. In George Bush's astrological sign, August is the month where his moon goes into disaster.

Joe Biden polled well among Democratic voters Thursday who cite his foreign policy experience as a major asset. Last year, the White House traded five terrorist leaders to the Taliban in exchange for one U.S. prisoner they were holding. Originally, the deal included Joe Biden, but the Taliban said no.

Al Sharpton declared that opposition to Obama is based on his race, and added that President Obama doesn't look like most Americans. That's a problem that's easily fixable. If the EPA would require all refrigerator light bulbs be replaced with tanning bulbs, we'd all the same color with a week.

TV journalist Vester Flanagan tweeted he killed two white journalists on the air to incite a race war after the Wednesday murders. He said he was victimized because he's black, gay and a former male escort. In response, they just scraped the Rainbow flag off the roof of that car in the Dukes of Hazzard.

ISIS aired video Wednesday of their terrorist army blowing up an ancient Temple of Baal in the Syrian town of Palmyra despite pleas from archaeologists to spare the shrine. Baal was the ancient Canaan god of fertility and regeneration. ISIS wants it known they are for women's reproductive rights.

Hillary Clinton infuriated Republicans Thursday by comparing their views on women's health issues to the views of terrorist groups in the Middle East. Now that is truly ironic. Middle East terrorists admire Bill Clinton because they think he's the only American allowed to have multiple wives.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at


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