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Tue, Oct. 22

Column: Dial-up reveals the measure of a man

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

South Africa's Oscar Pistorious got in a bar fight Friday during his trial for murdering his fiancee. He shot her four times through a bathroom door. Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with a very slow Internet to find out who they really are.

Panama's Manuel Noriega sued Activision for depicting him as a ruthless dictator in Call of Duty. He was kidnapped by U.S. forces and flown here for trial in the Eighties. You won't believe this, but there was a time when the U.S. had to force Central Americans to come to the U.S.

Manuel Noriega's suit ripped Call of Duty for showing him as a drug dealer. In real life, U.S. troops landed in Panama and found him hiding next to a barrel of chili powder. It didn't cheer him up when he later found out he'd paid ten million dollars for a barrel of chili powder.

Donald Sterling called his wife a pig in court for trying to sell the Clippers after the NBA banned him for racial remarks. What a show. Sterling is like Pat Robertson in that he has the talent for saying exactly what's on his mind and then making it look like mental illness.

The Justice Department is probing a Nebraska farmer whose Fourth of July float depicted Barack Obama standing in front of an outhouse. He built it himself and hauled it on his truck bed. It just shows what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way.

Bud Selig announced Pete Rose can participate in next year's All-Star Game in Cincinnati despite his lifetime ban for gambling . He's cleaned up his act. Pete Rose hit bottom twenty years ago when he lost a hundred grand in a Hitler mustache-growing contest to Marge Schott.

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