Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Thu, July 18

Column: Steven Seagal knows all about living in exile

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

Hollywood action star Steven Seagal was reported set Monday to run for governor of Arizona on a platform to evict illegal aliens. His deportation plan is novel. He vows he will use his movie experience to capture illegal immigrants and send them straight to DVD.

The White House sent Hellfire missile drones to Iraq after al-Qaida forces captured Fallujah. It's a graduated response. If the drones don't halt the advance of the insurgents, Obama has threatened to set up a website to slow them down.

Denver pot shops opened for business as Colorado's law legalizing marijuana smoking took effect. The crime rate is expected to drop drastically. Common sense tells you that murders will be pretty much limited to whoever's within range of your couch.

The Tournament of Roses Parade was a platform for advocates of social change last week. One float was a wedding cake that held a same-sex marriage on top while another float glorified whales. There was an Obamacare float but nobody could find the darn thing.

The Weather Channel reported record-low temperatures in the Midwest and blamed it on a polar vortex. It's freezing the northern hemisphere worldwide. It's so cold that U.N. weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons may be hidden in Hawaii.


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