Column: Forget unemployment, when do we get $1 gas?
The White House announced unemployment is at its lowest level in five years if you don't count the people who have given up looking for work. Nobody partied on the news. Most Americans just want to know when the Dollar Store is going to start selling gas.
Boston University's Berkeley School of Music honored country music's Willie Nelson with an honorary doctorate. His autograph will be even more valuable. Now that he's a doctor, he can write marijuana prescriptions in the alley after the show in 20 states.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz vowed to lead the fight against the Obama Administration's immigration reform bill this fall. He boasted that he's Obama-phobic. You know you're Obama-phobic it you are willing to deport millions of Hispanics and your last name is Cruz.
Domino's Pizza aired a YouTube video that shows a large pizza being delivered to a home by a drone aircraft. What's become of this world? It shocked a lot of viewers, seeing something that kills innocent civilians every single day being delivered by a drone.
O.J. Simpson was reportedly playing softball for the Aryan Nations team in the Nevada prison softball league. He integrated a white supremacist gang. O.J. isn't eligible for parole for four years and who knows if there will even be a Dancing with the Stars by then.
Border Patrol officers in New Mexico found an illegal alien hiding inside a commercial truckload of chili peppers. Life is all about choices. If the guy had just hidden inside a bale of marijuana instead, he would have washed up on Malibu Beach undetected.
The IOC selected Tokyo to be the host city for the Summer Olympics in seven years. Las Vegas sports books jumped on the news. With seven more years of out-of-control nuclear plant radiation leaks in Japan, the favorite to win all the gold is Godzilla.
Adolf Hitler's bodyguard Rochus Misch has died at 96. He was shot in the chest invading Poland, became Hitler's bodyguard, went with him everywhere, witnessed Hitler's suicide, then was captured by Russians and tortured. It's a grim reminder that there's always someone in the bar who has better stories than you do.