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Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
9:05 PM Wed, Jan. 23rd

Column: Mars Rover failed to find a single man cave

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

The Mars Curiosity rover was rebooted by NASA Monday after it had an unexpected glitch this past weekend. So far the mission has been pretty disappointing. The Curiosity has found no signs of football, beer or porn, destroying the theory that men are from Mars.

Bill Clinton said President Obama should keep his promise and let people keep their health plans. That is beyond parody. Next Toronto's mayor will ask Obama two questions: what was he smoking when he made that promise and does he have any left.

Walmart announced it'll open at six o'clock on Thanksgiving Day. It breaks up family time. It's an American tradition to put two gallons of wine and a carving knife on a dinner table within reach of relatives who haven't seen each other for one year, and watch the fun.

Thanksgiving Day was announced as the opening day for holiday shopping by the big retail stores Monday. There's no respect for our country's traditions anymore. The 50 stars on Old Glory were recently replaced by 50 eyeballs that follow you everywhere.

Ed Snowden defended his NSA leaks about the U.S. spying on Allies saying it shouldn't be a crime to tell the truth. He's taken refuge in Moscow. Ed Snowden always looked like the type of guy who'd mail order a Russian bride, and now he doesn't have to pay shipping.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford hinted Monday he may check into alcohol and drug rehab after videos revealed his "Boogie Nights" lifestyle. He's up for re-election next year. Mayor Ford plans to run on his successful record of taking crack off the streets of Toronto.