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Sat, Feb. 22

Column: Simpson's appeal meets two goals

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

O.J. Simpson said last week his white supremacist cellmate helped him to plan his legal petition for a new trial. It all worked out. O.J. got to appear in court on national television and the white supremacist got to see a black man in chains, so it's a win-win for everybody.

Sergio Garcia apologized last week for saying he will invite Tiger Woods to dinner during the U.S. Open and serve fried chicken. They both have their supporters. Nothing brings the sport of golf up-to-date like a gang war between Hispanics and blacks in the grill room.

Los Angeles voters voted to limit the number of medical marijuana dispensaries in the city to one hundred and thirty-five. It was getting out of hand. Voters were getting tired of walking past a marijuana dispensary on the way to their own mailbox.

The House Oversight Committee announced it will recall IRS official Lois Lerner to testify again after she pleaded the fifth. This'll be good. She knows exactly how many of the Members listed the cost of their mistresses on their tax returns under Snacks.

The Justice Department was revealed Friday to have tapped five Fox News phones. In addition, a CBS reporter's computer was bugged. We're just a special prosecutor away from replacing our first black president with the first president from the Hair Club for Men.

The Pentagon suspended General Bryan Roberts for committing adultery Tuesday. It is a military punishment completely apart from civilian statutes. Under U.S. military law, adultery is a felony, as opposed to the rules of the House and Senate, where it's mandatory.

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