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Sat, July 20

Column: Surgeon General gets new assignment

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

The Surgeon General advised Americans who will sunbathe on Memorial Day to use sunscreen on the beach or at the pool. She said to stay covered. When the White House heard that the Surgeon General was an expert on covering up, they put her in charge of the IRS.

Prince Harry threw out the first pitch at a Harlem Little League game Wednesday. He courageous, he's popular and he knows how to pilot a helicopter through gunfire. In case of an impeachment, Harry is the perfect guy to fly President Obama back to Chicago.

Jodi Arias was ruled eligible for execution by her Phoenix jury Tuesday. She stabbed her boyfriend twenty-seven times and shot him as he showered. He knew the risks of wild and crazy sex when he answered her classified ad in the Southern Baptist Messenger.

O.J. Simpson testified he gave his last half-million dollars to his defense attorney four years ago who misrepresented him. His money was going fast. At the time O.J. was down to his last endorsement deal, his margarine commercial for I Can't Believe I'm Not Guilty.

South Carolina's Mark Sanford was sworn into Congress this week. He won by telling voters the Bible says sinners should be forgiven seventy times seven times. Afterwards he was surrounded by Members asking him if he would teach them how to use a calculator. New Jersey police arrested two residents inside a senior citizen housing complex for running a prostitution ring out of their apartments Tuesday. They serviced the locals. Cops say it's the first time they ever caught ladies of the night offering an early bird special.

The White House released e-mails showing how their Benghazi story evolved during the attack. There were no surprises. The e-mails started as a CIA report about al-Qaeda attacks before they were edited into a gold miner's analysis of Mitt Romney's colonoscopy.

The White House issued an explanation on Benghazi Wednesday that didn't answer who made up the anti-Muslim video story. It never made sense. You'd think as much golf as President Obama has been playing, he'd be able to tell a good lie from a bad lie by now.

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