Column: Twinkies a fit to replace Paula Deen
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Hostess announced Monday that Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Ho Ho's and Cupcakes will be back on the store shelves in July. The announcment by Hostess came the day after the Food Network cancelled Paula Deen's cooking show. Does nature abhor a vacuum or what?
Japan's president of KFC bought KFC's founder Colonel Harland Sanders's trademark Kentucky white planter's suit for twenty grand. Southern cooking is hot right now. The only thing that is selling better than Paula Deen's cookbooks are Paula Dean's rap records.
That Seventies Show actress Lisa Robin Kelly was arrested for drunken driving in L.A. on Saturday. It was a real jolt of reality for her. She was so caught up with living in the Seventies she didn't realize that cops don't give you cocaine and send you home anymore.
Kathleen Sebelius said the NFL will make ads promoting ObamaCare. The Health Care Act will never work unless it can get premium payments from young healthy people who will never need maternity benefits. However, the joke's on them, drug rehab is covered, too.
NSA leaker Ed Snowden flew from Hong Kong to Moscow Sunday. He then vanished to seek asylum in either Ecuador or Iceland. The CIA keeps saying that his location is the biggest secret in the world, but so far he won't fall for it and leak the name of his hotel.
Senator Harry Reid added a hundred million to the immigration bill Monday. It's for promoting tourism to Las Vegas. We're going to send border security agents to casinos in Macao to stand behind the baccarat tables and hand out visas like they're nightclub passes.
Nancy Pelosi was booed in San Francisco Tuesday when she denounced Ed Snowden for exposing NSA spy programs. She misread her own city's liberalism. San Franciso is the only city in the world that would hold a nude protest march demanding online privacy.
President Obama unveiled a plan to combat climate change Tuesday, demanding that scientists design new fuels and energy sources. It makes sense. He's desperate to find an energy source that donates to Democrats as relaibly as coal and oil donate to Republicans.
The Consumer Protection Agency recalled a hundred thousand baby strollers due to a problem with the tires blowing out. Perhaps Mayor Bloomberg is right. Some infants are so fat from large, sugary soft drinks that the tires on their strollers are blowing out.