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Thu, Feb. 27

Column: Hostess shutdown puts Ding Dongs in Congress

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Hostess Bakery plants shut down Friday due to a workers' strike. It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

The NFL said pot would remain a banned substance for its players despite the change in some state laws. It's tricky. There are reports that since Colorado voted to legalize marijuana, Denver is going to change the name of Invesco Field back to Mile High Stadium.

German researchers said the nasal decongestant spray Oxytocin releases a hormone in men that makes them faithful to their wives. The procedure is simple. To keep a man faithful you spray Oxytocin up his nose, but it only works on generals if you use a firehose.

General David Petraeus's biography All In, covering his military career and written by mistress Paula Broadwell, was rushed into paperback Friday. He has served in every part of the world and he never received a scratch. What is this power he has over women?

General David Petraeus testified before Congress on Friday. His life blew up after he flirted with a dinner guest in front of his mistress while his wife was looking the other way. House Members took notes as if their lives depended on it as he diagrammed the play.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. Email him at

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