Trusted local news leader for Prescott area communities since 1882
Wed, Feb. 26

Column: Aliens can't wrap their minds around Madonna

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

BEVERLY HILLS - God bless America, and how's everybody?

Madonna performed a strip tease at her New York concert Monday to raise cash for local Hurricane Sandy victims. She's one of a kind. In a backstage interview Madonna disclosed she was once abducted by aliens, and it was a mistake the aliens made just once.

Hostess workers went on strike on Thursday, risking the nation's supply of Twinkies and Cupcakes and Ding-Dongs. Their negotiation position is strong. Three states just legalized marijuana and Hostess emplyees just realized that the world is turning their way.

The Postal Service asked Congress Thursday for authority to close post offices more easily. They also want to end Saturday mail delivery. The Postal Service said last year it lost $16 billion, making it the most profitable department in the U.S. government.

BP paid $4 billion to the U.S. to settle charges from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill two years ago. A poll shows 80 percent of Gulf residents think BP did a good job of cleaning up the spill. Of course, the same poll found that 80 percent of Gulf residents hate pelicans.

General David Petraeus's biography by Paula Broadwell soared on the bestseller lists Friday. Their affair cast suspicions on all biographers and their subjects. Doris Kearns Goodwin went on five talk shows Friday to deny that she's been sleeping with Abe Lincoln.

Congress grilled the CIA and Pentagon over its cover story on the U.S. Consulate attack in Libya and its link to two generals in adulterous affairs. The hearings uncovered one valuable bit of military intelligence. If you want to keep something secret, don't use gmail.

President Obama issued a proclamation declaring Thursday to be America Recycles Day, urging Americans to recycle paper, cans, and bottles. In honor of America Recycles Day he blamed Hurricane Sandy, the Benghazi raid, and military adultery on President Bush.

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