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9:54 PM Mon, Sept. 24th

Column: North Korean missiles emulated Facebook IPO

Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

North Korea was reported Tuesday readying its launching pad for a new missile test next month. Their first six missiles went up for one minute and then crashed into the sea. North Korea has spent all week buying Facebook stock as part of their pre-launch drill.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg married longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan in a secret ceremony. They were engaged for nine years. Long engagements allow a couple enough time to discover each other's character, which is never a good idea.

Niagara Park Police said a man survived going over Niagara Fall in a suicide attempt Monday. He wound up alive in shallow water two miles down-river. The only thing more powerful than the will to live is the will to get away from the Canadian healthcare system.

San Francisco named a road after Nancy Pelosi in Golden Gate Park Sunday. Reaction was split. Democrats say Golden Gate Park provides a scenic place for San Franciscans to salute her, while Republicans expressed surprise the street isn't in the city's Castro District.

Christie's in London will auction a vial of Ronald Reagan's blood saved by a hospital lab technician. The timing was clever. The technician knew there'd come a time when the GOP primaries would be so awful that Republicans would come out in favor of cloning.

President Obama and Mitt Romney tied in May fundraising totals Monday. It's a real race. Obama raised $10 million when he had dinner with George Clooney and the next day Romney raised $10 million when he had breakfast by himself.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by email at argus@argushamilton.com.